Kickin' It Over To The Sports Desk

Okay folks, let's re-cap.

As you may have remembered, my predictions for the NCAA Tournament did not start out especially well. Neither of my two 1st round upsets, Old Dominion and Oral Roberts, was particularly competitive. Meanwhile Virginia Commonwealth and Winthrop, two teams I advised against picking in the 1st round, were able to pick up close wins.

Things did look up in the 2nd round as UNLV did knock off #2 seed Wisconsin. All told I picked up 12 of the Sweet 16 with two of my misses being Maryland and Virginia, each of whom had a shot to tie their games at the buzzer.

Things have progressed even better from there. I hit on 7 of the Elite 8, missing only Texas A & M who lost by a point to the Memphis Tigers, the team I was most singularly wrong about in the tournament.

I am now happy to report that for the first time in my life I have also picked the entire Final Four correctly. Yes, thanks to the total choke job by Roy Williams and the North Carolina Tar Heels, the Georgetown Hoyas have returned to the Final Four for the first time since 1985 where they join Ohio State, defending champ Florida and UCLA.

For those who don't recall I have UCLA defeating Ohio State in the title game.

So if you had gone with my picks prior to the tourney, you'd probably being doing quite well right now. Let that be a lesson.

Moving on, the baseball season opens one week from yesterday. The World Series Champion St. Louis Cardinals will open the year when the host the New York Mets and I will be in attendance. In recognition of such, I have the following predictions for the baseball season.

Division Champs:

AL East - The Boston Red Sox starting pitching is just too good. With Jonathan Papelbon back in the closer's role you can count of the Sox for 100 wins, even in a division with the Yankees and much improved Blue Jays.

AL Central - The best division in baseball will be a total dogfight. Look for the Indians and their wealth of young talent to win out over the Tigers and Twins. Don't fret too much Detroit fans, your Tigers will earn the Wild Card berth in the AL, keeping the Yankees from the postseason for the first time in 13 years. On a side note, Fuller's Kansas City Royals will be more competitive this year as Alex Gordon is unleashed on the league, but in a division with the Indians, Tigers, Twins and White Sox it's gonna be hard for K.C. to avoid a 4th consecutive 100-loss season.

AL West - I like the Angels here. They have a ton of young talent and Vlad Guerrero is still in the upper tier of all-around players. I have concerns about their offense but they have the prospects to get a deal done to bring in a quality bat at some point this season. The A's have a nice team, but ultimately will have problems scoring runs. The Rangers can pound the ball, but can't keep teams off the board. The Mariners are a mess and will bring up the rear in this division.

NL East - Look for the Mets to repeat. There is much reason to question a rotation that will include the antiquated El Duque Hernandez and Tom Glavine along with the enigmatic Oliver Perez, but the Mets still have far and away the best lineup and bullpen in the division. They'll have enough to outlast the pitching rich Phillies, who will finish as the NL Wild Card. I expect the Braves to finish above .500 and place third while the young Marlins will have a tough time following their surprising 2006 campaign. Meanwhile the Washington Nationals follow in the losing ways established decades ago by the Washington Senators as they make a run at the record for most losses in a season (currently 120 by the 1962 New York Mets).

NL Central - This division gets dogged on for being the worst in baseball, but it's worth noting the NL Champion has come from this division the last three seasons. The Cubs made a lot of headlines with their offseason spending, but their rotation still goes only two guys deep and they don't have anyone outside of Derrek Lee who gets on base at a high percentage. That said, they have the bats to score a bunch of runs, but it won't be enough to finish better than third place.

No I have to say I like the St. Louis Cardinals to take the division for the 4th straight year. I know they lost a ton of starting pitching, but their starters have all looked good to great in the spring. Scott Rolen is completely healthy and Jim Edmonds has recovered faster than thought from offseason surgery.

The end results won't look pretty as the top four teams are all close to equal and will beat up on each other all season, but I see the Cards finishing ahead of the Brewers, who have the division's best rotation but lack the run scoring capability to win out. Houston will see a return for Roger Clemens, but it won't keep them out of fourth place. The Cincinnati Reds will score in bunches but that will only serve keep them ahead of the last-place Pirates.

NL West - This is the easiest to pick as the Los Angeles Dodgers are just stacked on offense, defense and the pitching staff. Jason Schmidt and Randy Wolf were added to an already deep staff. Nomar will lead a young and very talented offensive attack. The Padres won't score enough runs. The Giants added Barry Zito, but still have a team way too old to stand up through the entire season. I like what the D-Backs and Rockies have done, but neither comes close to matching what the Dodgers have on their roster.

AL Champion - Boston Red Sox
NL Champion - Los Angeles Dodgers

World Series Champion - The Los Angeles Dodgers

AL MVP - Grady Sizemore of the Cleveland Indians
NL MVP - Albert Pujols of the St. Louis Cardinals

AL Cy Young - Johan Santana of the Minnesota Twins
NL Cy Young - Jason Schmidt of the Los Angeles Dodgers

AL Rookie of the Year - Daisuke Matsuzaka of the Boston Red Sox
NL Rookie of the Year - Jason Hirsch of the Colorado Rockies

AL Manager of the Year - Eric Wedge of the Indians
NL Manager of the Year - Grady Little of the Dodgers

There you go kids...call your bookies now.

JeffRey

Quick One While I'm Away

That title should NOT suggest to anyone I am giving you permission to sneak away with the Lovely Brook.

Rather I wanted to direct you to a video on YouTube that I absolutely love.

Some very clever person has edited clips of the Beatles, along with cuts from the films Dawn of the Dead, Shaun of the Dead and 28 Days Later to create a film trailer for a movie entitled...A Hard Day's Night of the Living Dead.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=KIWsMKZt3Eg

You must go see it as it is quite amusing.

JeffRey

This Might Have Been Interesting if a Steve Were Involved

Is it just me or did Giovanni Ribisi's portrayal of a mentally retarded young man in The Other Sister seem to be quite a bit like his performances in pretty much every other film he's been in?

I only ask you about this 1999 film today as I was exposed to it for the first time in my life last night as I's flipping through the channels late at night. Now I didn't watch the entire thing as my ears would have begun bleeding, but I did think it strange a "family" (read: lame) film like The Other Sister would be shown opposite the soft porn of Skinemax, but hey...to each his own.

Now a film I did watch in its entirety has brought you Today's Motherfucker.

Today's Motherfucker is.....everyone associated with National Lampoon's Adam & Eve.

In the interest of public shame I will now name the most guilty of parties:

Producers: Steven Bao, Larry Butler and Martin E. Caan
Director: Jeff Kanew (I believe I speak for all Jeffs when I say our name is a little less cool today) who has shamed the legacy he established with Revenge of the Nerds.
Writer: Justin Kanew (ahh...nepotism)
Actors: Cameron Douglas (the titular Adam and sadly the son of Michael Douglas), Allan Havey (sadly a St. Louis native), Jake Hoffman, Brian Klugman and Chad Lindberg.
Actresses: Thank your god these chicks are hot because we're condemning to cinematic hell Emmanuelle Chriqui and Courtney Peldon.

Now I have long realized the once great publication that is the National Lampoon is in competition with Wes Craven for most shitty films in which their name appears before the title, but this is beyond ridiculous. The same group that brought you Animal House is now responsible for an overly cliched, straight-to-video, collegiate romantic comedy that is truly one of the shittiest films I have ever seen.

And I've seen Armageddon, The Day After Tomorrow and Bloodrayne.

The premise here is smokin' hot Eve (Chriqui) is saving herself for....I don't know...a rainy day. She is dating Adam (Douglas) to not only provide us with heavy handed character nomenclature, but to also ask the question...What girl is worth months worth of blue balls?

Adam, naturally, resides with his 4 slovenly friends, living a life of beer drinking, sex doll fucking and discussions of proper asswiping procedure.

Eve, of course, lives in a sorority populated by dim hotties, all of whom are fucking and getting fucked over by their boyfriends, thus providing Eve with the ammo she needs to keep her pantie rule intact. You see, she longs for a magical night of passion with a man she can not just love but trust on the deepest of levels, or something like that. To be honest I was trying to imagine what she'd look like naked.

Adam tries to his hardest to convince Eve to come around. He leaves a trail of roses all over campus, leading her to his candlelit bedroom. He also tries to put the sex thing in perspective, at one point asking his best friend why he's so obsessed with "putting an extra piece of his cartilage inside her." That may not be verbatim, but he definitely used the term "extra piece of cartilage." I've written deeper things in the snow with my piss.

As their relationship progresses Adam becomes increasingly frustrated with Eve's lack of putting out. His roommates stand amazed at the fact she won't even go down on him or jerk him off. Eve is concerned she's going to lose this great guy she really cares about, so she goes to her dad (naturally) for advice.

Now her dad is played by George Dzundza and he's the only one I'm sparing in this skewering. The name is like the Oracle, only without methane fumes and dying at Thermopylae. He spins a yarn about trust and love, and basically convinces her to fuck her boyfriend. Now this element is of course based on how most fathers would act, making this film a documentary of sorts on the life of a typical co-ed.

If you're wondering why I watched even this far, I had to make sure this story of college guy not getting any wasn't actually based on my life and I was unfairly being denied credit and/or compensation.

Of course, by the time Eve gets around to wanting to bone Adam, our boy has gone and tapped the village skank and been left with a souvenir of burning urine. Now, you have the funk and hook up with an around the way girl and maybe you can talk your way out of that one. You take a girl's flower so to speak and leave her with the firecrotch and you're gonna have a situation.

So he comes clean and everything goes to hell. Eve dumps Adam, Adam goes into a weeks long funk (again a nod to reality) and rain no longer falls on these lands.

Re-enter the Oracle. Eve learns her sainted mother split the sheets with another man just before taking the vows with dad. The Oracle advises Eve if he could get beyond it through the power of love, maybe she could as well.

If you're having trouble following it broke down like this. The Oracle/father convinces Eve to lose her V-factor to this guy. Then when he cheats, the Oracle/father suggests Eve give him another chance.

Riiiiight. But of course this is a romantic comedy, so you gotta have the romance. Eve returns to a freshly medicated Adam and fucks his brains out. Then she learns Adam hadn't actually cheated. In a drunken stupor he had been led to believe he did by the village skank who was secretly in love with him. So all is well in the end.

Everything about this film is bad, save the Oracle George Dzundza. I hate myself just a little bit for having watched the entire thing. That's why the cast and crew of National Lampoon's Adam & Eve are Today's Motherfucker.

Don't see this film.

Go Bruins

JeffRey

He Was Gonna Stay Out of Jail, but Then He Got High.

Lot to get to today kids, so try to keep up.

First off, let's throw Texas Governor Rick Perry his second surprising shout out in the last couple of months. Last week Gov. Perry granted a conditional pardon to one Tyrone Brown.

Mr. Brown had been placed on probation in 1990 for his part in an armed robbery in which no one was injured. Mr. Brown was a teenager at the time, and with teens being stupid he smoked a little reefer and failed one of his court-mandated drug tests.

Ooops....guess what that meant.

Probation revoked!!! Mr. Brown, you are now sentenced to LIFE IN PRISON!!!

Incidentally, the amount Mr. Brown acquired in the robbery for which he was initially convicted was....2 dollars.

(Somewhere a paperboy is chasing John Cusack through the streets.)

Fast forward 17 years and Mr. Brown was still in prison, being sentenced to life and all, for stealing $2 and testing positive for marijuana once. Now, in an un-related story Mr. Brown was and is a poor black man living in Texas.

In a story even less related, let's look at the case of John Alexander Wood. Now, Mr. Wood stood before the same arbiter of justice as Mr. Brown, that being one Judge Keith Dean. Mr. Wood was just a little bit better connected than Mr. Brown, so he did not have his probation revoked for a positive drug test.

Now to be fair to both Mr. Wood and Judge Dean, there were differences between the cases of the two men. Let's list them:

Mr. Brown - Tested positive for weed once. Mr. Wood - Test positive for cocaine multiple times.
Mr. Brown - No other violations. Mr. Wood - Numerous other violations.
Mr. Brown - Guilty of stealing $2. Mr. Wood - Guilty of MURDER.

Holy Shit!

You know, I'm gonna give Gov. Perry a little credit for this, but Stevie "Fuckin" Wonder could have figured this one out. Wonder what the governor prior to Rick Perry was thinking. Or maybe wasn't.

All right, NCAA Tournament Update Time...

For those who read my blog leading into the tournament, you know my upsets didn't all turn out. Fear not good friends. I went 23-9 in Round 1, which is okay but not great. However, with 13 Round 2 games in the books, I am currently at 11-2 for the round. My two losses were by Maryland and Virginia, each of whom lost by 3 points and had a shot at the buzzer to tie. So I'm feelin' pretty good. As long as Nevada upsets Memphis I stand a good shot at having 14 of the Sweet 16 teams correct.

All of this is academic however, as my primary competitor is my baby brother Joseph who, despite my advice, took Wisconsin as his champion. I, on the other hand, correctly picked Wisconsin to lose to UNLV in Round 2.

Quick question....I entered into this debate with some co-workers. I argue the Reuben sandwich to be one of the greatest inventions of all times. My co-workers didn't necessarily argue the greatness of the Reuben, as that would have been a losing battle, but rather my labelling of the Reuben as an invention.

Am I wrong here? Webster's defines invention as an original contrivance or construction. That would seem to fit the Reuben. Also, unlike all other sandwiches eaten the world over, there is a clear path for the Reuben, from originator to your local restaurant.

The recipe is also fairly universal. It's a grilled sandwich on rye bread, with corned beef, sauerkraut, Swiss cheese and Russian dressing. Some restaurants may substitute 1,000 Island dressing but other than that the Reuben is universal.

So it's an original contrivance with a clear history and a universal makeup. That screams invention to me.

Okay, finally a quick word on the concert the Lovely Brook and I attended the other night. We were lucky enough to catch the Scissor Sisters at the Pageant in St. Louis last week.

If you're unfamiliar with the band, they have a 70's disco and glam vibe going for them, channeling parts of Elton John, Bryan Ferry and David Bowie for both their sound and stage presence.

As you might guess from that, and the lesbian sex act their name makes reference to, they also have a large homosexual following. This left me with the hope that I'd see hot chicks making out on the dance floor. That, of course, did not happen. I did unfortunately see a few chickenhawks that might have a conversation with Chris Hanson in their future trolling for fresh meat. Sadly, I was unable to secure a good price for my baby brother.

Opening for the band was an act called Wigs on Sticks. The act consists of three wooden sticks with wigs perched atop them. Songs akin to female pop acts of the 50's and 60's are then played, interspersed with bickering and wisecracks from the "ladies." It was actually one of the more funny and entertaining opening acts I've seen in some time.

The main act took forever and a day to take the stage, but once they did the crowd was treated to about 90 minutes of pure androgynous fun. It's hard not to move with their infectious beats and the banter between band members, particularly co-lead singers Jake Shears and my all-time favorite pseudonym Ana Matronic, kept the show even more lively.

Okay, that's all I got and it's twice more than any of you read.

I swear next time I'll have a Today's Motherfucker for all of you, but today I'm too cooled out by the joy that can only be shorts weather one day after a freak snow flurry.

JeffRey

Sports Prognostication of the Highest Order

Allrightee sports fans, with the madness that is the NCAA Basketball Tournament right around the corner, your humble author will provide you with the means to win your office pool.

Now I'm not going to give you the winners of every game, but I will lay out some upsets to look for, dispel a little conventional wisdom and give you the Final Four, title game match-up and National Champion.

First off, you're going to hear a lot of people telling you to look for 11th seeded Winthrop to knock off Notre Dame in the Midwest Bracket and Virginia Commonwealth to upset Duke in the West. Not gonna happen. The Irish and Blue Devils will both win their first round game, but will be knocked out in Round 2.

Every year a #12 beats a #5. It's as sure as death, taxes (pre-Bush Administration) and Bill O'Reilly saying something totally fucking stupid. This year's #12 winner will be Old Dominion over Butler in the Midwest.

Look for all four #1 seeds to reach the Elite 8. However, two #2's will be taken down the first weekend, each losing to teams from the Silver State . Memphis will lose to Nick Fazekas and his #7 Nevada Wolf Pack in the South. In the Midwest, the red-hot Running Rebels of Nevada-Las Vegas will take advantage of Wisconsin's recent problems on offense.

My other big first round upset is #14 Oral Roberts University over #3 Washington State in the East. Take that Elson Floyd!

In Elite 8 match ups I like #1 Ohio State to advance over #3 Texas A&M in the South. In the East Jeff Green and Roy Hibbert will lead a streaking #2 Georgetown University over #1 North Carolina. We'll also see two of last season's Final Four squads advance again this year as an experienced #2 UCLA will knock off #1 Kansas in the West and defending champ #1 Florida will advance by taking out #3 Oregon.

In the semi-final games, UCLA, led by scoring machines Arron Afflalo and Josh Shipp, will take advantage of Florida's shaky defense to avenge last season's loss in the title game. Ohio State, powered by freshmen Greg Oden and Michael Conley, Jr., will advance past Georgetown.

Then, in a match up that may look more appropriate for the Rose Bowl, the Bruins of UCLA will add another chapter to their grand tradition by knocking off the Buckeyes. The Ohio State defense will be able to keep the game in the 60's, but ultimately the offensive talent of UCLA will win out.

Okay, there you go. Each of you now has the key to unlock the mystery that is March Madness.

[Editor's Note: All game picks are provided for entertainment purposes only. Investors can, and do, lose money.]

Don't listen to that guy....bet the farm on this kids.

JeffRey

Full of Sound and Fuhrer, Signifying Nothing

A quick thanks to Mr. Bill Shakespeare for inspiring today's title. On a side note, how does one type umlauts?

Well, as some of you may know the National Socialist Movement tried to turn my hometown into Munich circa 1939 yesterday. I had to work and was therefore unable to bear personal witness to the goings on, but I have scoured the reports in order to bring you, my readers, a summary of the events.

About two dozen members of the NSM, dressed in full Nazi regalia, showed for the march through downtown Columbia. They were greeted with between 300 and 400 spectators and counter-protesters. No word as yet if any other hate groups represented themselves at the assembly.

The length of the march was much less than anticipated, lasting just more than 30 minutes to the tune of racist chanting and the complementary jeering and cursing from onlookers. It was cut off early when counter-protesters scuffled with the parade's police protection in the only physical confrontation to take place during the event. Police were able to put down the conflict quickly through the use of mace....ouch.

Seven people, 6 men and 1 woman, were arrested. None of those arrested was among the Neo-Nazi group. Of the 7 arrested, only two were from Columbia. The other 5 are thought to be part of a group that follows the National Socialist Movement's demonstrations. All were charged with misdemeanors and released from police custody by Saturday evening.

So in the end it looks like a relatively minor event. I was disappointed to hear of any violence on the part of counter-demonstrators as it only helps the NSM group, but it could have been much worse.

Now, that it's over I just hope nothing is generated by this unpleasant visit and Columbia can go back to being the fairly diverse and liberal town, particularly for mid-Missouri, that it is.

On a different note, I would like to just briefly address the passing of Thomas Eagleton, the three-term Senator from Missouri. It pains me to include any mention of this great man in the same post as a discussion on Neo-Nazis, but I have been remiss in not mentioning his name sooner.

Missouri and the United States lost a statesman of the highest order. He served in the Senate and had his brush with national fame before I was born, but his political relevance continues to this day, especially in St. Louis.

He spearheaded the effort to bring the Rams east from Los Angeles. When the Rams brought home the Vince Lombardi following their Super Bowl victory in January 2000, each St. Louis sports fan owed him a debt of gratitude.

When Missouri tragically lost Governor Mel Carnahan to a plane crash during his own senatorial campaign just before the election of 2000, it was Senator Eagleton who responded to Republican claims a dead man could not remain on the ballot. In speaking of Gov. Carnahan's opponent, then Senator John Ashcroft, Senator Eagleton replied...

"A U.S. senator who can't beat a dead man doesn't belong in the U.S. Senate."

During his own time in Congress, Senator Eagleton was one of the first vocal critics of the Vietnam War. Later in life he would write semi-regular commentaries for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. In one of his last he applied his anti-war beliefs to the "no-win" situation facing the United States in Iraq.

Sadly, outside Missouri, many will remember Tom Eagleton best for his brief time as running mate to Senator George McGovern's 1972 Presidential campaign against Richard Nixon. Eagleton had been asked to join the ticket after several high profile Democrats, including Ted Kennedy and Walter Mondale, had turned down the opportunity to join what was seen as an unwinnable race.

Shortly after accepting McGovern's offer, it was revealed Eagleton had twice been hospitalized, and received electric shock treatments, for depression and nervous exhaution. For a few days it appeared as if this would not derail Eagleton, who even joked he would undergo a full psychiatric evaluation if Nixon would do the same. However, he soon stepped down from the campaign, replaced by Kennedy in-law and Peace Corps founder Sargent Shriver.

McGovern and Shriver got their asses handed to them. Nixon/Agnew won the electoral college 520 to 17 with a 23.2% margin in the popular vote. The popular vote margin is still the largest victory ever. Even Minnesota chose Nixon/Agnew, the only time in the last 50 years my former home state has gone with a Republican President.

As a side note the '72 election is noteworthy by the one electoral vote given to Libertarian candidate John G. Hospers in that it gained his running mate, Theodora Nathan, the first electoral vote ever gained by a female candidate.

But enough American electoral history. I just wanted to say a quick word about Tom Eagleton and here I am running at the....keyboard?

Anyway, hope you enjoyed your history lesson. Until next kiddies all I can say is....leave your jackboots at home, no more marches in my hometown.

JeffRey

News stories about the march in Columbia (As far as I can tell, neither the K.C. Star nor St. Louis Post-Dispatch covered the story with their own reporters):

Columbia Missourian (surprisingly not bad)
http://digmo.com/news/story.php?ID=24675

Columbia Daily Tribune
http://showmenews.com/2007/Mar/20070311News005.asp

Tom Eagleton's wikipedia page:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Eagleton

Let He That is Without Sin, Cast the First Vote

Okay kids, both legitimate and less than, you can possibly predict where we're going today.

First off though, a preface....

It's been brought to my attention that the Today's Motherfucker segment might be bringing some of you down. That is not my intention.

There will be times you'll read stories that will make you want to take a shower afterwards, but I will also use this forum to bring you the occasional humorous or maddening tale as well.

This also helps me because let's face it....I would have to try hard to top some of the shit pulled by the last couple of "winners."

This should also put to ease the mind of anyone with whom I am personally acquainted being named a recipient of a Today's Motherfucker in the future.

So without further ado, Today's Motherfucker is.......

Former House Speak Newt Gingrich

Oh Newt, naughty, naughty little Newt.....

Just yesterday the former Congressman from the adequate State of Georgia, admitted to having an extra-marital affair....

Wait for it....

During the time he was spearheading the impeachment proceedings of President Bill Clinton!

Here's a quote from the former House Speaker:

"There are times that I have fallen short of my own standards. There's certainly times when I've fallen short of God's standards."

What ?!?!?

Now I had already found religion on a temporary basis in the hopes my prayers might be enough to nudge Mr. Gingrich into the 2008 Presidential race and garner him the republican nomination. Now I am positively ecstatic at the thought of this big tub of goo jumping into the field.

[Editor's Note: The small "r" is quite intentional.]

Can you imagine what a Gingrich/Mitt Romney ticket would look like? Shiiiiit....if they won they'd have every woman in American married within two weeks....to the same guy.

Now Mr. Gingrich doesn't see himself as being hypocrite for pursuing President Clinton's infidelity, despite his own bed jumping.

[Editor's Note: In an unrelated story, Mr. Gingrich has recently been diagnosed with myopia.]

How bout another quote? I do love them so.

"I drew a line in my mind that said, 'Even though I run the risk of being deeply embarrassed, and even though at a purely personal level I am not rendering judgment on another human being, as a leader of the government trying to uphold the rule of law, I have no choice except to move forward and say that you cannot accept ... perjury in your highest officials."

Oh Newt....tawdry little Newt. You go ahead and sugarcoat this any way you want to, you sexy, fleshy demonseed you.

Did you know Newt is on his third wife? Yeah he got involved with wife #3 while he was still married to wife #2, but hey he's willing to risk embarrassment to advance his own political ambitions and assassinate the character of a great man....I mean to uphold the law.

Actually the best Newt's wife story involves wife #1. He and she split in the early 80's. Seems he began discussing divorce options with her while she was in bed.....

In a hospital....

Recovering from cancer!!!!

Holy Fuckin' Shit!!!!

[Editor's Note: The author has stepped away to face the east and pray Newt is the 2008 Republican nominee for the Presidency of the United States.]

Okay, what more can really be said, except that Newt Gingrich is Today's Motherfucker.

Just as one last aside, I was going to toss William Willett in for good measure, but since I don't have to work Sunday the whole daylight savings time thing isn't fucking with my qi.

Til next time my friends, which will be one hour earlier than it should be.

JeffRey

"It's Gone Daddy Gone, the Love is Gone. Yeah it's Gone Daddy Gone, the Love is Gone Away."

Okay my friends and neighbors, it's time for your next installmen of Today's Motherfucker.

Now it would have been easy to pin this on Ann Coulter for, in a roundabout way, calling former Senator and Presidential candidate John Edwards a "faggot", but everyone knows how crazy that bitch is so it would kinda be beating the dead horse Ms. Coulter so uncannily resembles.

I could have also gone the way of Scooter Libby, but since the entirely wrong man was prosecuted in that case I don't really see the point in piling on.

Instead we're going to establish a Today's Motherfucker first and name two men as co-winners.

I have to warn you....this two stories are going to make you ill.

First we go to Bedford, Indiana where Eric Johnson, 47, and his 8-year old daughter Emily died when Johnson deliberately crashed his plane into the home of his former mother-in-law.

Johnson and his wife Beth divorced in November after 12 years of marriage. Shortly before the flight that ended with Johnson's rented Cessna slamming into the home of Emily's grandmother Vivian Pace, Johnson told his ex-wife he had Emily "and you're not going to get her."

Ms. Pace, who was at home at the time of the crash but was not injured believes the crash to have been deliberate. Authorities are treating the case as a murder-suicide, but had yet to find any notes from Johnson detailing his intentions for the final flight. NTSB officials have also yet to release any details as to radio transmissions Johnson may have made prior to the crash.

Okay, that was pretty bad. This next one could have been much worse.

In Bridgeport, Connecticut, police are holding 21-year old Fermin Rodriguez on a variety of charges, including 1st-degree assault and reckless endangerment following an attack on his 17-year old wife.

After accusing her of cheating on him, Rodriguez proceeded to stab and slash his wife repeatedly. Now get ready to get sick.

Mr. Rodriguez then handed the knife to the couple's 2-year old son and said...."now you stab Mommy."

OH

MY

GOD!!!!!

Thankfully the boy did not follow in his father's footsteps. The woman was saved when her father arrived on the scene after having not heard from her. She was treated for what turned out to be primarily superficial wounds, allowing this story to just be really fucking sad instead of truly fucking tragic.

At last report the boy was safe with relatives and would be reunited with his mother soon.

I can't really say anything more about either of these cases as I already feel a little dead inside.

So I'll summarize simply by saying Eric Johnson and Fermin Rodriguez are Today's Motherfuckers.

JeffRey

Links to the stories:

Fermin Rodriguez
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10704047/

Eric Johnson
http://www.tmnews.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=5592&Itemid=43

Goosestepping in Middle America

Okay friend and bloggers, I have a couple of things to share with you and then I'll bring you Today's Motherfucker.

First, a personal anecdote. The other night the Lovely Brook and I were out and about helping to celebrate the anniversary of the birth of one of Brook's co-workers.

The place of said celebrating was the Penguin, a piano bar located in downtown Columbia, MO. Now let me tell you something about my feelings regarding piano bars.

I do not like them.

There's always a cover, the drinks are overpriced, it's too loud to have any actual conversation and the same 11 songs are played in every piano bar in the world every night.

But that is neither here nor there, for I am not writing a critique of the bar. No, I just wanted to share one "experience" I had therein.

I was making my way to the restroom. Now this was not the easiest of going as the bar was fairly crowded. So as I snaked my way through the crowd I found myself every now and then patting a person on the back to let them know I was sliding behind them. As I said it was loud so simply saying "excuse me" wasn't going to get the job done.

Well, as I was placing the "excuse me pat" on the back of a gentleman, circumstances had it that he encountered someone I am presuming to have been his friend. I presume this as the two men exchanged that sort of handshake/chest-bump/half-hug thing you see guys do on the TV.

So this is how it all played out. My hand is on the back of the first guy. The second guy's hand then comes around for the half-hug and lays itself over mine. Are you following me here? My hand was stuck in a man-hug and I couldn't get out of it.

It has been a long time since I felt quite so uncomfortable, not in a homophobic way (or a homophilic way for that matter) but in a "I don't belong here" kind of way. Taking care not to exchange even a fleeting glance I hurried to the restroom, did my business and then took as meandering a path back to me seat as was possible without actually leaving the building.

So there you go.

Now, on to the real business of the day. This coming Saturday, March 10th, 2007, will see a demonstration in the streets of downtown Columbia, Missouri as performed by a noted "political" party.

In protest of what they determine is an agenda on the part of the University of Missouri, most specifically it's School of Journalism, to promote the spread of Marxism the American National Socialist Party, based in Minneapolis, Minnesota, will be marching through the streets of mid-Missouri.

For those a little on the historically challenged side, the National Socialist Party is more commonly associated with Germany and known by the quaint acronymical nickname the Nazi Party.

The fuckin' Nazi Party!!!!!!!

You need not check your watches....this is indeed the year of your lord 2007.

John Belushi hated Illinois Nazis and I really don't care for these Minnesota and Missouri Nazis coming to my town and stirring up trouble.

Their specific beef with my Alma Mater is a perceived promotion of Mexican immigration by the school's immigration research center and Adelante!, the School of Journalism's bilingual newspaper.

The permit issued for the demonstration calls for the march to take place between noon and 5 p.m. and to include anywhere from 20 to 50 people. Those numbers could multiply as the Nazis have invited all "racialists" to come join them in protest of a Mexican invasion of the United States.

Now sadly, I am already obligated to be at work next Saturday between noon and 5 p.m., but if any of you is curious and perhaps plans to attend I can lend you t-shirts bearing the likenesses of V.I. Lenin, Che Guevara, Mao-Tse Tung or Fred Hampton.

[Editor's Note: Your beloved author does not mean to infer Mr. Fred Hampton was either Marxist, communist or any other -ist, but the presumption is Nazis still would not have liked him.]

Seriously though, as much as I would love to counter-demonstrate against these pricks, all sane people need to be careful. This group held a similar demonstration in Toledo, Ohio in 2005 to protest gang violence and rising crime rates. The result amounted to all-out war between the Nazis and opposition groups as a riot raged for 4 hours, leaving behind burned out businesses and broken glass in the streets of Toledo.

This group wants violent action from its opponents. Every time a redneck fuck in a white hood gets bloodied these groups get more face time and another impressionable kid goes down the way wrong road. If you want to speak out against these people, show up with a sign, but don't say a word and do NOT act with even a hint of aggression.

In summary, Today's Motherfucker is Steven Boswell, leader of the Missouri Unit of the National Socialist Movement. He is being discredited with this award for pretty much being a general motherfucker.

Today's Motherfucker will be a semi-regular installment spotlighting an individual or group who has either made the world a worse place overall or affected the life of noted blogger JeffRey in a way he finds inconvenient.

Til next time kids......shalom.

JeffRey

[Editor's Note: You may read about the visit of the Hitler Youth to Columbia at the following link:
http://www.columbiatribune.com/2007/Mar/20070302News007.asp]

"There's something wrong with the world today"...and most every other day.

Allright bloggers, I have something exciting for all of you today.

In paying homage to Keith Olbermann's "Worst Person in the World" and Larry Flynt's "Asshole of the Month," I have decided to begin a semi-regular segment called "Today's Motherfucker."

Much like Messers Olbermann and Flynt, I will be recognizing one person or group for their endeavors in making our world a much worse place to be. Fairly self explanatory.

And without further ado....Today's Motherfucker is:

Atlanta Falcons defensive tackle Jonathan Babineaux

Mister Babineaux was recently placed under arrest by the Atlanta Police Department and charged with felony animal cruelty. The circumstances are disturbing to the point of being obscene.

Mister Babineaux had been in an argument with his live-in girlfriend. She left their home and attended a movie in an effort to allow both Mr. Babineaux and herself to cool down.

Upon arriving home, Mister Babineaux suggest she check on her dog. She then found her 1 1/2-year old pit bull mix Kilo to be in "severe physical distress."

The woman, 24-year old Blair Anderson, rushed Kilo to the nearest animal emergency center, but Kilo died in route.

Preliminary information provided to the police indicated Kilo died from a massive blow to the head.

Mr. Babineaux was then questioned and arrested after his answers were found inconsistent with Kilo's injuries.

Okay....I am generally speaking against the death penalty, but I would strap this motherfucker to the chair myself and I would throw the switch twice. It is my sincere hope this prick is prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law and that he never play another down of professional football.

So there you are kids, Jonathan Babineaux.....Today's Motherfucker.

JeffRey