Let He That is Without Sin, Cast the First Vote

Okay kids, both legitimate and less than, you can possibly predict where we're going today.

First off though, a preface....

It's been brought to my attention that the Today's Motherfucker segment might be bringing some of you down. That is not my intention.

There will be times you'll read stories that will make you want to take a shower afterwards, but I will also use this forum to bring you the occasional humorous or maddening tale as well.

This also helps me because let's face it....I would have to try hard to top some of the shit pulled by the last couple of "winners."

This should also put to ease the mind of anyone with whom I am personally acquainted being named a recipient of a Today's Motherfucker in the future.

So without further ado, Today's Motherfucker is.......

Former House Speak Newt Gingrich

Oh Newt, naughty, naughty little Newt.....

Just yesterday the former Congressman from the adequate State of Georgia, admitted to having an extra-marital affair....

Wait for it....

During the time he was spearheading the impeachment proceedings of President Bill Clinton!

Here's a quote from the former House Speaker:

"There are times that I have fallen short of my own standards. There's certainly times when I've fallen short of God's standards."

What ?!?!?

Now I had already found religion on a temporary basis in the hopes my prayers might be enough to nudge Mr. Gingrich into the 2008 Presidential race and garner him the republican nomination. Now I am positively ecstatic at the thought of this big tub of goo jumping into the field.

[Editor's Note: The small "r" is quite intentional.]

Can you imagine what a Gingrich/Mitt Romney ticket would look like? Shiiiiit....if they won they'd have every woman in American married within two weeks....to the same guy.

Now Mr. Gingrich doesn't see himself as being hypocrite for pursuing President Clinton's infidelity, despite his own bed jumping.

[Editor's Note: In an unrelated story, Mr. Gingrich has recently been diagnosed with myopia.]

How bout another quote? I do love them so.

"I drew a line in my mind that said, 'Even though I run the risk of being deeply embarrassed, and even though at a purely personal level I am not rendering judgment on another human being, as a leader of the government trying to uphold the rule of law, I have no choice except to move forward and say that you cannot accept ... perjury in your highest officials."

Oh Newt....tawdry little Newt. You go ahead and sugarcoat this any way you want to, you sexy, fleshy demonseed you.

Did you know Newt is on his third wife? Yeah he got involved with wife #3 while he was still married to wife #2, but hey he's willing to risk embarrassment to advance his own political ambitions and assassinate the character of a great man....I mean to uphold the law.

Actually the best Newt's wife story involves wife #1. He and she split in the early 80's. Seems he began discussing divorce options with her while she was in bed.....

In a hospital....

Recovering from cancer!!!!

Holy Fuckin' Shit!!!!

[Editor's Note: The author has stepped away to face the east and pray Newt is the 2008 Republican nominee for the Presidency of the United States.]

Okay, what more can really be said, except that Newt Gingrich is Today's Motherfucker.

Just as one last aside, I was going to toss William Willett in for good measure, but since I don't have to work Sunday the whole daylight savings time thing isn't fucking with my qi.

Til next time my friends, which will be one hour earlier than it should be.

JeffRey