In Dog We Trust

Wow...so has it really been more than 2 years since I last posted to this thing? Well, since I can't believe all the tubes and wires that make up the interwebs would lie to me I guess it has.

I know I've said this before, but it really is my intent to keep this thing up. I have regular computer and internet access where I live for the first time in a long time, so if I don't keep this up now I probably never will.

Should I keep it up this blog will continue to bring you my feelings on a wide range of issues, pop culture goings on, movies, music, books and sports, while at the same time bringing the razor sharp wit and biting sarcasm that I like to think I possess.

Today, however, we're going to catch everyone up just a bit.

First things first, I am currently seeing a very lovely young lady named Megan. She is a tad younger than I am, as she'll be turning 23 in March while I'll be turning 33 in April. (Yup, that's a 10-year gap. Any guys that want to give me an imaginary high-five may do so.)

We've been going out since last March and things are going quite well. Megan is in nursing school right now, and is expecting to be finished this July. At that point she may continue on with school or try to find a gig as a nurse midwife.

We met thanks to being co-workers at the Central Missouri Humane Society. And that represents the other really big part of my life. For the last two years I have worked at the Humane Society and the experience has made animal welfare a huge part of what I am. You will undoubtedly see many blog posts relating to my shelter specifically and animal welfare issues in general.

My current job with the shelter is Foster Care/Rescue Coordinator. Those are two programs that go a long way toward the shelter saving as many animals as possible. Foster Care is pretty much what it sounds like. I recruit folks to open up their homes to sick and/or poorly socialized animals or to shelter animals in general when we run out of space. The Rescue half of the job involves coordinating with shelters across the country to help get animals from CMHS (which is an open intake shelter, meaning we take every animal that comes through our door which means we are sometimes forced to euthanize animals) to no-kill shelters and rescues.

Megan is as equally passionate, if not more so, about animal welfare as I am. When you put two animal lovers together it would stand to reason they'd have some animals. So let me introduce you to our flock.

Sysco is a 14-year old Beagle. He and I first crossed paths 12 years ago and have been together ever since. He has aged gracefully into a crotchety old man. He has to go the bathroom every 2 hours or so. He rarely if ever listens. As has been the case the entire time I've known him, he'll ignore me completely if any women are around. I can't even being to imagine not having him around.

This photo is of him at last year's Woof Fest at the Wenwood Winery. He finished 2nd in the People's Choice Award balloting. He's definitely looking for the win this year.



Doc is a 2-year old Fox Hound. Megan and I fostered him while he was recovering from kennel cough. Now, she and I have done quite a bit of fostering and even though we get
attached to them all we're typically able to move every one of them on to permanent homes. It didn't take long with Doc to learn we wanted his permanent home to be with us.

He's our biggest dog. He's also our dog that acts most like a lap dog. He's goofy. He's a drama queen. He's our special boy.

Sadie is a 3-year old Beagle. She was brought into the shelter by a woman who said she was the sister of Sadie's owner, who had been killed in a car accident. The woman said she brought Sadie home with her, but she didn't fit in with her other dogs.

This little girl was scared to death when she came to the shelter. I had to reach into her carrier, pick her up and lift her out of the crate because she was so freaked out. On top of that she was pregnant. I couldn't let her stay in the shelter. So I brought her home. Even though she's kind of a freak and will chew on things if left unattended and without toys Megan and I fell in love with her anyway. She's the first female pet I've ever had.

A nice bonus with Sadie is that Sysco really gets along well with her. They'll sometimes sleep curled up in the same dog bed, and he will even let her eat out of the same food bowl as her....he does not like sharing his food bowl with other dogs.

And finally we have Little Man. Megan adopted him before we began going out, but I've known this little guy as long as she has since he came through the Humane Society as well. He's a Chihuahua/Papillion mix. He nearly didn't make it out of the shelter as he was a biter at first. Megan took him home to see if she could cure him of that. He still gets a little weird around kids and some strangers, but he has turned into quite the little love bug. I never thought of myself as a small dog kind of guy...until I met Little Man. I love this dog.

So those would be our dogs. Megan also has two cats, named Xanthus and Waldo. They've gotten pretty used to me and are tolerant of the dogs for the most part.

And that's where I'm at right now. I spend most of my time with Megan, with the dogs, with Megan and the dogs or at the Humane Society. That said I do still get out and have a good time with regularity. So you will get to hear about things other than my pooches. But for now we're going to leave it here. I will be back soon.

JeffRey

A-B-C...Easy As...1-3-2

Hello my pretties....

So your humble blogger is driving down one of the numerous ice-covered roads in Columbia, MO today when he pulls up behind a white Nissan X-Terra. The car/jeep/SUV/whatever the fuck it is happens to be equipped with a vanity plate. Now like most people, your humble blogger has something of a fascination with vanity plates, but this one may have been the greatest he's ever seen.

It read....GENUIS.

For those slow on the uptake that would be the word GENIUS....spelled incorrectly.

I didn't take the opportunity to follow the X-Terra through the ice kingdom that is Columbia, so I am left to speculate about the meaning behind the plate. I figure it can go one of two ways. It was either:

1) Intentionally done by the car owner as a joke, in which case I think it's pretty funny. However if it was done intentionally by the driver because GENIUS is actually taken then I find it pathetic.

OR

2) The driver really believes GENIUS is spelled GENUIS....which I would find to be beyond hysterical.

Now because your blogger is meticulous with his research he googled the word GENUIS on the off chance it might be some sort of scientific or perhaps religious term.

Before providing answers Google first asked, "Do you mean GENIUS?" To which I answered...probably.

Then Google informed me genuis.net is a website devoted to....stupid people.

[Editor's Note: The tagline for the site is GENUIS: It's in our NDA, which your humble blogger found to be funny. Much more funny in fact than the MESNA joke he was going to make.]

Now because your blogger is a fair blogger, he is giving the driver (and presumed registered owner) of the X-Terra a chance to defend him/herself. If any of my devoted readers knows the owner of said vehicle, do some investigating. You will need to put your espionage disguise on though. You can't just ask the owner "hey, did you spell genius incorrectly on purpose?" You need to finesse them. Perhaps ask, "hey, what does your license plate mean?" If it's a joke, they'll happily let you in on the gag because everyone wants to be told their jokes are funny. If it's not a joke they will probably laugh at you and tell you how stupid you are. This is when you will be able to pounce on them. In fact, it might be useful to have a copy of Webster's handy when you confront the self-proclaimed GENUIS.

Once the encounter is over and the aims of the vanity plate owner are known either report back to me or encourage the BRIANIAC to contact me themselves.

Til next time kids...keep your thinking caps NO.

JeffRey

[Editor's Note: The word GENUIS was flagged for misspelling.]

Bandaged Hands Across America?

Got an idea I'd like to bounce off you kids.

I cut my finger at work today. I put on a bandage. It was one of those type that is flesh-tone colored so it's harder to tell you're wearing a band-aid from a distance of say 3 or 4....miles.

It got me to thinking though. Sure the bandage is flesh colored...if your flesh is the same pasty white tone mine happens to be.

Then it hit me....Black People Band-Aids.

Actually more to the point, Band-Aids for anyone who happens to not be white. Black People Band-Aids just rolls of the tongue better than Native American People Band-Aids.

Get back to me on this kids, but keep in mind this idea is now my intellectualy property. Any attempt to profit from this idea without allowing me to wet my beak will be dealt with harshly.

JeffRey

Quick prediction on Mizzou-Nebraska

This is not gonna be gametape the defensive players will enjoy going over of Monday.

I think Sam Keller has a really good game for the Huskers, we're talking in the neighborhood of 400 yards passing good, but ultimately the bend-but-don't-break defense of the Tigers makes enough stops to turn this into a comfortable win for the Tigers.

The days of the blackshirts in the Nebraska defense are long gone. We may not hear punter Adam Crossett's name a single time Saturday night as the Tigers will score early and often. I see this game eventually playing out like the last couple of Mizzou-Texas Tech games have. The Tigers will roll up an early lead and then trade scores the rest of the game. Chase Daniel isn't winning the Heisman this season, but this game will go a long way toward earning him All-Big 12 first team honors and put him in the running for one of the All-American lists.

On top of that the winner of this game is in the driver's seat in what has become a 4-team race for the Big 12 North title and a place in the conference championship game to play for a spot in the BCS.

Mizzou gets up by a couple of scores early and then the scoreboards get light up like pinball machines as Missouri wins 48-37.

JeffRey

Don't Give Me An "S"!

Friends...it has been far too long.

Happily enough for all of you however, I am marking my return to cyberspace with the latest installment in a semi-regular and ongoing series.....Today's Motherfucker.

Today we'll be turning our scorn toward one group of people and one individual.

First our group, Today's Motherfuckers are.....anyone and everyone that makes reference to the starting quarterback for the University of Missouri Tigers football team as being someone named Chase Daniels.

It is Chase DANIEL, singular and most certainly not plural. Everytime I hear someone say Chase Daniels all I can think is "Chase Daniel's what? His arm? Is he hurt?" Then I find out the person is just a dumbass who, despite Chase having been on campus for more than 2 years and garnering some notoriety, has yet to learn the man's name.

I'm guessing there are all the same people who live under the impression Mark McGuire once played for the St. Louis Cardinals.

Okay, with that out of the way, let's move on to our individul honors.

Today's motherfucker is also.....thespian James Brolin.

Seems the man best known for being Mr. Barbra Streisand was doing a radio interview to plug his new film when it was noted the day happened to be the 6th anniversary of 9/11. (And the 34th anniversary of the U.S. backed coup in Chile that led to the dictatorial regime of Augusto Pinochet in case you were interested.)

Anyway, once the particular date was brought to light, Mr. Brolin interjected a robust "Happy, 9/11"!

It is worth noting the radio station he was on is based out of New York City....oops. Not that it would have been okay if he'd been talking to folk in say...Omaha, but saying this to an NYC audience probably wasn't the smartest thing for Mr. Babs to do.

Once it was pointed out that his reaction was off the charts on the inappropriate scale Mr. Brolin did collect himself and say they were correct and it was best to "celebrate the day."

I'm sorry....did you say "celebrate" 9/11 Mr. Brolin?

It's all on YouTube. Go and see for yourself.

And that's all for today kids. But keep checking back, because your humble author in attendance at a most excellent performance by Wilco last night and plans on posting a review soon.

Here's to you Senor Salvador Allende.

JeffRey

Karl Rove is resigning at the end of August.

I'm sorry, I'd like to write something, but I can't seem to get Tim Robbins' voice out of my head.

"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."

JeffRey

A Virgin By Any Other Name?

So I dealt with a customer the other day who had perhaps the most amusing name I've ever run across.

Her name, and I kid you not, was Chastity Hyman.

Chastity Hyman!

Now spelling inconsistencies aside, have you ever heard two words go together more perfectly?

The customer was a kid. I didn't know whether to slap her parents for basically putting out the dare of dares for all future boyfriends or shake their hands for their wry wit.

Anyway...I hope to blog more this weekend, but if I can't....here was a taste to tide you over til next time.

JeffRey