The Magic and Pageantry That Is....Snakes on a Plane.
Oh yes little crackers, your beloved author is in high spirits today, for the miracle has come.
After months of ever-increasing hype the long-awaited Samuel L. Jackson vehicle Snakes on a Plane hit theaters this weekend, and yours truly was on hand to bask in the spectacle.
For those unawares of Snakes on a Plane, you need to get out more. At one time set for release as, presumably, a bad action movie with a fan-fucking-tastic title, SOAP took on a life of its own thanks to that big bundle of wires called the Internet. On-line fandom soared, causing New Line Studios to pony up a few extra bucks to give the movie some more punch, and (surprisingly) to cater to the public's demand for an R-rating and the insertion of one important bit of dialogue. Oh and some boning too. The added a scene in which people bone. It doesn't go well for those kids.
The plot is fairly run-of-the-mill. Samuel L. Jackson is FBI agent Neville Flynn, assigned the duty of escorting a material witness from Hawaii to Los Angeles. Now Hervé Villechaize has taught us all the way you get from the mainland to an island (or vice versa) is, of course, by plane. So if you're a gangster who needs to rub out a witness, who just happens to be traveling over the ocean (an area not known for readily available emergency landing spots), what do you do?
Why you release crateloads of muthafuckin' snakes on that muthafuckin' plane! (Imagine me right now tossing down my arms D-Generation X style.)
Yeah, pretty standard stuff.
What results is about an hour of reptilian mayhem. Oh and these snakes don't just go for the easy bite targets either. I mean, sure you have some bitten hands and ankles, but these bad boys go after eyes, tongues, titties and johnsons too.
"Johnsons?"
*Pointing downward*
"Oh yes, right you are."
Sound painful? Yeah...looked painful. *Doffing my cap and placing it over my heart in memory of a fallen soldier.*
I cannot fully explain just how much fun this movie is. I've been looking forward to it for a long time and when the moment finally arrived I really feared this thing would suck royally. Instead, I am happy to report this film is both nonstop fun and very, very funny. It's also not the funny in an ironic way...you know cause the film sucks but it sucks so bad it's funny. Yeah, we're not talking Ed Wood type material here. The plot, dialogue and acting are all campy and the cast and crew never take themselves too seriously. The result is a horror film that isn't that scary, an action film that isn't all that dynamic, and a comedy that hits a muthafuckin' home run.
The effects were decent. Quite a few real snakes were used in the shoot, combined with CGI for the bites and some of the snake "acting" moments.
The soundtrack was a lot of fun featuring, among others, Coheed and Cambria, Spearhead, Panic! At the Disco, the All-American Rejects, the Sounds and supergroup Cobra Starship (Who have a video running during the credits if you stick around.). The soundtrack did not feature, surprisingly, the Detroit Cobras, Whitesnake or Stryper (Which may or may not be a snake term, but even if it isn't...every soundtrack should have some Stryper. To Hell With the Devil!).
And while the film is obviously Samuel L. Jackson's all the way, there are some other relatively big names in the film. Todd Louiso (High Fidelity) is the snake expert on the ground, recruited to provide information as to treatment of the bites. Kenan Thompson (Saturday Night Live) plays the bodyguard/entourage member of rapper Three G's (Uhh...okay.) who finds himself called upon to lend his...well, his Sony PlayStation expertise to the proceedings. Julianna Margulies (TV's ER) is the stewardess making one last flight before beginning...law school? Yeah, yeah, I know, but hey, you need to suspend disbelief. Finally, the University of Missouri's own David Koechner (Saturday Night Live & Anchorman) is the oversexed co-pilot of this little journey.
I can't recommend this film enough. Don't wait for the DVD, and don't go at 1:30 pm on a Tuesday. You need to see it soon and at night so that you can enjoy it with a theater full of people as this is a film to be shared with others. If you follow the actors and film makers and remember to not take it too seriously, I guarantee you'll be glad you've seen...Snakes on a Plane.
Incidentally, the film also has a social conscience. It teaches all of us valuable lessons about the dangers of smoking and pre-marital sex, the importance of being kind to animals, proper supervision of one's children...and oh, yes...what to do when you've "had it with these muthafuckin' snakes on this muthafuckin' plane!"
This has been a muthafuckin' blog from muthafuckin' JeffRey
After months of ever-increasing hype the long-awaited Samuel L. Jackson vehicle Snakes on a Plane hit theaters this weekend, and yours truly was on hand to bask in the spectacle.
For those unawares of Snakes on a Plane, you need to get out more. At one time set for release as, presumably, a bad action movie with a fan-fucking-tastic title, SOAP took on a life of its own thanks to that big bundle of wires called the Internet. On-line fandom soared, causing New Line Studios to pony up a few extra bucks to give the movie some more punch, and (surprisingly) to cater to the public's demand for an R-rating and the insertion of one important bit of dialogue. Oh and some boning too. The added a scene in which people bone. It doesn't go well for those kids.
The plot is fairly run-of-the-mill. Samuel L. Jackson is FBI agent Neville Flynn, assigned the duty of escorting a material witness from Hawaii to Los Angeles. Now Hervé Villechaize has taught us all the way you get from the mainland to an island (or vice versa) is, of course, by plane. So if you're a gangster who needs to rub out a witness, who just happens to be traveling over the ocean (an area not known for readily available emergency landing spots), what do you do?
Why you release crateloads of muthafuckin' snakes on that muthafuckin' plane! (Imagine me right now tossing down my arms D-Generation X style.)
Yeah, pretty standard stuff.
What results is about an hour of reptilian mayhem. Oh and these snakes don't just go for the easy bite targets either. I mean, sure you have some bitten hands and ankles, but these bad boys go after eyes, tongues, titties and johnsons too.
"Johnsons?"
*Pointing downward*
"Oh yes, right you are."
Sound painful? Yeah...looked painful. *Doffing my cap and placing it over my heart in memory of a fallen soldier.*
I cannot fully explain just how much fun this movie is. I've been looking forward to it for a long time and when the moment finally arrived I really feared this thing would suck royally. Instead, I am happy to report this film is both nonstop fun and very, very funny. It's also not the funny in an ironic way...you know cause the film sucks but it sucks so bad it's funny. Yeah, we're not talking Ed Wood type material here. The plot, dialogue and acting are all campy and the cast and crew never take themselves too seriously. The result is a horror film that isn't that scary, an action film that isn't all that dynamic, and a comedy that hits a muthafuckin' home run.
The effects were decent. Quite a few real snakes were used in the shoot, combined with CGI for the bites and some of the snake "acting" moments.
The soundtrack was a lot of fun featuring, among others, Coheed and Cambria, Spearhead, Panic! At the Disco, the All-American Rejects, the Sounds and supergroup Cobra Starship (Who have a video running during the credits if you stick around.). The soundtrack did not feature, surprisingly, the Detroit Cobras, Whitesnake or Stryper (Which may or may not be a snake term, but even if it isn't...every soundtrack should have some Stryper. To Hell With the Devil!).
And while the film is obviously Samuel L. Jackson's all the way, there are some other relatively big names in the film. Todd Louiso (High Fidelity) is the snake expert on the ground, recruited to provide information as to treatment of the bites. Kenan Thompson (Saturday Night Live) plays the bodyguard/entourage member of rapper Three G's (Uhh...okay.) who finds himself called upon to lend his...well, his Sony PlayStation expertise to the proceedings. Julianna Margulies (TV's ER) is the stewardess making one last flight before beginning...law school? Yeah, yeah, I know, but hey, you need to suspend disbelief. Finally, the University of Missouri's own David Koechner (Saturday Night Live & Anchorman) is the oversexed co-pilot of this little journey.
I can't recommend this film enough. Don't wait for the DVD, and don't go at 1:30 pm on a Tuesday. You need to see it soon and at night so that you can enjoy it with a theater full of people as this is a film to be shared with others. If you follow the actors and film makers and remember to not take it too seriously, I guarantee you'll be glad you've seen...Snakes on a Plane.
Incidentally, the film also has a social conscience. It teaches all of us valuable lessons about the dangers of smoking and pre-marital sex, the importance of being kind to animals, proper supervision of one's children...and oh, yes...what to do when you've "had it with these muthafuckin' snakes on this muthafuckin' plane!"
This has been a muthafuckin' blog from muthafuckin' JeffRey
posted by The Crazy Leftist at 6:48 AM
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