"What a Drag it is Getting Old."
I've a question for all the, relatively, young folks out there.
What do you suppose might be your first indicator you're getting older. I'm not talking the standard stuff, as most of that just doesn't apply to me personally and I'm sure probably doesn't really apply to anyone else either. My hairline has been receding like an Amazonian rainforest for years. My friends will be calling me Cueball by the time I'm 35. It's not the eyesight either. I've had the vision of a chronic masturbator since the first grade. I'm blaming genetics and a cruel God for those. As for memory...well, I think the volumes of intoxicants and mood alterers, both legal and otherwise, I've ingested over the years are to blame for the gaps in memory more than any turning of the calendar.
No friends...I have a different theory. And it comes from recent experience.
A couple weeks back I found myself having a moment in the restroom of the local shopping mall. Now the experience on the whole was a little disconcerting for me at first as I found the space allotted for the hinge on the stall door left me a little more exposed than I'd have preferred. However, I soldiered through and afterwards had a thought so prevalent in my mind I nearly spoke the words aloud.
"That was one of the greatest shits of my entire life."
Now it's worth mentioning that particular thought was quickly followed by another.
"What kind of person grades their bowel movements relative to one another?"
My only answer....clearly old men.
So there is my answer. You know you're starting to get old when you begin rating bowel movements.
Age gracefully kids.
JeffRey
What do you suppose might be your first indicator you're getting older. I'm not talking the standard stuff, as most of that just doesn't apply to me personally and I'm sure probably doesn't really apply to anyone else either. My hairline has been receding like an Amazonian rainforest for years. My friends will be calling me Cueball by the time I'm 35. It's not the eyesight either. I've had the vision of a chronic masturbator since the first grade. I'm blaming genetics and a cruel God for those. As for memory...well, I think the volumes of intoxicants and mood alterers, both legal and otherwise, I've ingested over the years are to blame for the gaps in memory more than any turning of the calendar.
No friends...I have a different theory. And it comes from recent experience.
A couple weeks back I found myself having a moment in the restroom of the local shopping mall. Now the experience on the whole was a little disconcerting for me at first as I found the space allotted for the hinge on the stall door left me a little more exposed than I'd have preferred. However, I soldiered through and afterwards had a thought so prevalent in my mind I nearly spoke the words aloud.
"That was one of the greatest shits of my entire life."
Now it's worth mentioning that particular thought was quickly followed by another.
"What kind of person grades their bowel movements relative to one another?"
My only answer....clearly old men.
So there is my answer. You know you're starting to get old when you begin rating bowel movements.
Age gracefully kids.
JeffRey
posted by The Crazy Leftist at 3:50 PM
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