Annuntio vobis gaudium magnum! Habemus Papam!

You know how when you ask someone a question and the answer happens to be yes they won't always answer yes. Instead they'll ask a question whose answer is so obviously yes, it means the answer to your question is also yes.

Here's two of the more popular ones:

Does a wild bear shit in the woods?

Does the Pope wear a funny hat?

(Incidentally, my dad's favorite is "Does a polar bear have cold balls?" I haven't heard anyone else ever use that one, but I can't believe he made it up. Let me know if you're aware of the lineage of this little colloquial.)

Anyway, people who say these things think they're sorta funny. The people who think they're really funny will mix the two up. Their query:

Does the Pope shit in the woods?

Now this is ironic because, and I'm speculating here, the Pope probably does NOT, in fact, shit in the woods. But it's funny due to its inflammatory nature through sacrilege. It's like this joke:

Why do ladies love Jesus?

Wait....


Wait....


Cause he's hung like this. (Hold your arms out as you say this.)

Get it? Cause he was hung on a cross see. And then hung takes on a double meaning to suggest large penius size. That's why ladies love him. Not the whole Messiah/Son of Man thing. It's a big dick joke...but not for a good cause. (UCB reference...only cool people are gonna get that.)


Funny right. Cause of sacrilege. I mean, I find it repugnant and I'm sure whomever created this joke will be, or already is, burning in Hell. Right along with anyone who ever repeats the joke. Except for me, of course, as I told it not to be funny (which it obviously isn't) but merely to let you know such filth is out there. I mean my god! Where has society gone these days. It's like this whole thing with Terri Sch....you know this really isn't the point, why must you sidetrack me?

The point is this. Why doesn't it get mixed up the other way? Here's what I mean. From now on, I want each of you to ask the following question whenever you are asked something to which the answer is yes.

Does a wild bear wear a funny hat?

It'll throw people for a loop, but eventually you'll be seen as an innovator.

I'm just handing this shit out for free people. Come to the blog for a semi-regular dose of feel-good socialism.

[Editor's Note: The author isn't really a Jesus person and actually finds that joke a little amusing. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone at the author. No, Mr. Ashcroft you most certainly do NOT qualify.]