When Love Comes to Town
OK, readers, now comes the day you have possibly not been waiting for...but surely should have been.
If you've read more than one of my meandering writings on this site, you know my modus operandi is typically riffing on things that either bother or amuse me. I rarely share anything personal, just things I have personally experienced.
Now the reasons for that I couldn't say with any particular level of certainty. I like to think I'm just a private person who keeps his personal stuff to himself. More likely, unfortunately, would be that I'm a little stunted emotionally, possibly a little neurotic (Read possibly there as definitely.) and maybe just a little self-conscious.
Or it could be I never felt as if anything to do with me personally was worth talking or writing about.
Well, happily, in the last few months things have taken a turn. Now, for those of you who've read all my posts, you know I have been seeing a certain young lady by the name of Brook. I told you she and I have had an interesting history. One that seemed to skirt on the borders of substance but never really materialized. You could quote that Sinatra song, but you'd be a boring cliche and I'd be done with you. So no one come back to me with a comment including any lyric or reference to that Sinatra song.
The point is, Brook is someone for whom I've always had a fire burning somewhere in the back on my mind. Yet contact between she and I had grown so infrequent I had grown to the point where I needed a stimuli of some kind to make me think of her.
You following me here? It's not like I ever forgot her. That wouldn't have been possible and if it were, I wouldn't have wanted to. But you have chances at things in life and sometimes they don't work out, or, more tragically, you never take your shot. Regret follows, then some level of acceptance and finally after a time you're able to make the memories of lost opportunities seem happy, or at least less hurtful. Then the only time you think about them it's to play brief rounds of what if?
Is this making sense. I hope so, because that's where I was with Brook. She is someone I knew I'd always have a thing for, but it no longer permeated my thinking. For all I knew she was off married somewhere far away.
Then, through some act of providence that would have me believing in karma if I ever actually did nice things for people, Brook and I cross paths once again. It had been years and yet it took me about three seconds to remember everything I had liked about Brook. And happily enough, she and I were both single at the same time for the first time in....well maybe for the first time since we'd ever met.
Again now, referring to past posts, you know I've since been to her new city of residence for a visit. She has been back to Columbia to see me a couple of times as well. Things have all been going well, very well in fact. However, last I wrote of she and I you learned I was apprehensive about getting too serious too soon. This apprehension did not come from any sort of doubt on my part. I knew I was in love with Brook pretty much from the first words we spoke after meeting back up again that first night. I was, however, concerned about scaring off Brook by acting like a high-school kid.
You see, friends, I can tell if I like a girl pretty much from the first date, or first conversation. Sometimes even by looking at her, but not in that superficial a-hole way. But that further emotional commitment is tough for me. You see I thought I had loved this other girl and it ended in such a spectacularly awful way you would think Shakespeare had orchestrated it the ending beat by beat.
So love comes uneasily for me. The idea of admitting I need someone else as part of my life is sort of scary to me. The idea of putting myself out there and not having the feelings reciprocated is even scarier. So the issue for me here was maybe a little bit of not wanting to admit how much and how fast I totally fell for Brook, and the larger issue was not wanting to put her off by being serious-relationship-guy like right away.
But on the other hand, the more Brook and spoke and when we've been lucky enough to see each other, the more excited I got about the next time. Nothing pervy here either kids.
OK, this post is way long. I'm gonna end here and start part two in like...seconds.
If you've read more than one of my meandering writings on this site, you know my modus operandi is typically riffing on things that either bother or amuse me. I rarely share anything personal, just things I have personally experienced.
Now the reasons for that I couldn't say with any particular level of certainty. I like to think I'm just a private person who keeps his personal stuff to himself. More likely, unfortunately, would be that I'm a little stunted emotionally, possibly a little neurotic (Read possibly there as definitely.) and maybe just a little self-conscious.
Or it could be I never felt as if anything to do with me personally was worth talking or writing about.
Well, happily, in the last few months things have taken a turn. Now, for those of you who've read all my posts, you know I have been seeing a certain young lady by the name of Brook. I told you she and I have had an interesting history. One that seemed to skirt on the borders of substance but never really materialized. You could quote that Sinatra song, but you'd be a boring cliche and I'd be done with you. So no one come back to me with a comment including any lyric or reference to that Sinatra song.
The point is, Brook is someone for whom I've always had a fire burning somewhere in the back on my mind. Yet contact between she and I had grown so infrequent I had grown to the point where I needed a stimuli of some kind to make me think of her.
You following me here? It's not like I ever forgot her. That wouldn't have been possible and if it were, I wouldn't have wanted to. But you have chances at things in life and sometimes they don't work out, or, more tragically, you never take your shot. Regret follows, then some level of acceptance and finally after a time you're able to make the memories of lost opportunities seem happy, or at least less hurtful. Then the only time you think about them it's to play brief rounds of what if?
Is this making sense. I hope so, because that's where I was with Brook. She is someone I knew I'd always have a thing for, but it no longer permeated my thinking. For all I knew she was off married somewhere far away.
Then, through some act of providence that would have me believing in karma if I ever actually did nice things for people, Brook and I cross paths once again. It had been years and yet it took me about three seconds to remember everything I had liked about Brook. And happily enough, she and I were both single at the same time for the first time in....well maybe for the first time since we'd ever met.
Again now, referring to past posts, you know I've since been to her new city of residence for a visit. She has been back to Columbia to see me a couple of times as well. Things have all been going well, very well in fact. However, last I wrote of she and I you learned I was apprehensive about getting too serious too soon. This apprehension did not come from any sort of doubt on my part. I knew I was in love with Brook pretty much from the first words we spoke after meeting back up again that first night. I was, however, concerned about scaring off Brook by acting like a high-school kid.
You see, friends, I can tell if I like a girl pretty much from the first date, or first conversation. Sometimes even by looking at her, but not in that superficial a-hole way. But that further emotional commitment is tough for me. You see I thought I had loved this other girl and it ended in such a spectacularly awful way you would think Shakespeare had orchestrated it the ending beat by beat.
So love comes uneasily for me. The idea of admitting I need someone else as part of my life is sort of scary to me. The idea of putting myself out there and not having the feelings reciprocated is even scarier. So the issue for me here was maybe a little bit of not wanting to admit how much and how fast I totally fell for Brook, and the larger issue was not wanting to put her off by being serious-relationship-guy like right away.
But on the other hand, the more Brook and spoke and when we've been lucky enough to see each other, the more excited I got about the next time. Nothing pervy here either kids.
OK, this post is way long. I'm gonna end here and start part two in like...seconds.
posted by The Crazy Leftist at 6:35 PM
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