"Conjunction Junction, What's Your Function?"
Okay faithful readers, it is I your beloved author returning once again to drop some knowledge.
In case you missed it, the fine folk over at the Webster's Dictionary company have released their word of the year. What might the award-winning word be? Why, it's infosnacking. Infosnacking is apparently any sort of internet action that would be considered non-life altering. I'm serious here friends. The newspaper article stated a few things one might consider to be infosnacking would be checking one's e-mail, searching on google.com, checking sports scores or online shopping.
Okay, so the secret word of the year is infosnacking. And we all know what to do when somebody says the secret word of the year don't we?
Scream!!
That's right! Every time someone says the secret word, scream real loud! Let's try it.
Say there friend, what you doing right now?
Checking on the latest brilliant entry in my beloved author's blog. You know, just a little...infosnacking.
Aaah!!!Yay!!!Woo-Hoo!!!!Yippee!!!Yee-Haw!!!!Skatchamagowza!!!!
Nice work kids. Incidentally, do you ever just want to scream out loud? Not because you're angry upset or happy, but just because you feel like screaming? It's like the whole Dead Poets' Society mighty yawp thing, only without Ethan Hawke standing on his desk. Anyway....
Oh, the Oxford English Dictionary word of the year was podcast by the by, but that's not really the point to this posting.
The point is, in this day and age where new words are still being created and celebrated all around us, I find it necessary to go to an old set of standbys and spruce them up a bit.
Now we all know what contractions are and we all appreciate how much easier they've made our lives. I mean, just re-read this post and you're bound to find literally pairs and pairs of contractions. Well get ready to see even more in the future, as I've created a new contraction that takes old-school grammar style and brings it into the new millennium.
Henceforth let it be know the words I was will be contracted to read I's!
Yes, I's!
Hear me out folks. Nearly every tense of speech has a first-person contraction. I will becomes I'll. I have becomes I've. I would reads much better as I'd. Would the song really flow as well if it were I am a little teapot? I think f-ing not. So here comes the dawn of a new era, or perhaps error. It's a little classical and it's a little hip-hop. Let's take I's for a spin.
Int. A local apartment
You enters the apartment from an off-stage door
Me: Looking Up. Where you been?
You: I's at the mall all day shopping yo.
Me: Sweet.
Okay, what did ya'll think? Pretty fresh huh? How 'bout this one?
You: What happened to you last night?
Me: Ahh, I's way fucked up!
I really can't say just how much this forth-coming movement in syntax excites me, but I need every one of you to help me get the ball rolling. This is what I propose. From this point on, the words I was are not to be used in conjunction. There is only contraction when it comes to those words. In speech, e-mails, memos and any other form of communication you must use I's and make sure the message is spread around.
I would say avoid using I's in professional writing, but since we all know not to use any contractions in professional writing, it's not even worth bringing up. And come to think of it, I can't say as I can think of a single instance when you'd say I was in any form of professional writing, so the point is moot. (Or the point is mute if you're my dim-witted former boss. Seriously, he said that all the time. It's a mute point? The fuck does that mean?)
So I's is the new I was. My friend the Bertz has suggested the movement be called The I's Have It. I can totally smell what he's steppin' in. In fact, I's just pondering the other day how sharp a chap he is. Did you catch what I did there? I totally used I's as a part of regular speech/writing. That's exactly what I need from each of you. Go forth and enunciate.
Oh and by the by, if you know where skatchamagowza comes from, you are cool than cool...ice cold.
In case you missed it, the fine folk over at the Webster's Dictionary company have released their word of the year. What might the award-winning word be? Why, it's infosnacking. Infosnacking is apparently any sort of internet action that would be considered non-life altering. I'm serious here friends. The newspaper article stated a few things one might consider to be infosnacking would be checking one's e-mail, searching on google.com, checking sports scores or online shopping.
Okay, so the secret word of the year is infosnacking. And we all know what to do when somebody says the secret word of the year don't we?
Scream!!
That's right! Every time someone says the secret word, scream real loud! Let's try it.
Say there friend, what you doing right now?
Checking on the latest brilliant entry in my beloved author's blog. You know, just a little...infosnacking.
Aaah!!!Yay!!!Woo-Hoo!!!!Yippee!!!Yee-Haw!!!!Skatchamagowza!!!!
Nice work kids. Incidentally, do you ever just want to scream out loud? Not because you're angry upset or happy, but just because you feel like screaming? It's like the whole Dead Poets' Society mighty yawp thing, only without Ethan Hawke standing on his desk. Anyway....
Oh, the Oxford English Dictionary word of the year was podcast by the by, but that's not really the point to this posting.
The point is, in this day and age where new words are still being created and celebrated all around us, I find it necessary to go to an old set of standbys and spruce them up a bit.
Now we all know what contractions are and we all appreciate how much easier they've made our lives. I mean, just re-read this post and you're bound to find literally pairs and pairs of contractions. Well get ready to see even more in the future, as I've created a new contraction that takes old-school grammar style and brings it into the new millennium.
Henceforth let it be know the words I was will be contracted to read I's!
Yes, I's!
Hear me out folks. Nearly every tense of speech has a first-person contraction. I will becomes I'll. I have becomes I've. I would reads much better as I'd. Would the song really flow as well if it were I am a little teapot? I think f-ing not. So here comes the dawn of a new era, or perhaps error. It's a little classical and it's a little hip-hop. Let's take I's for a spin.
Int. A local apartment
You enters the apartment from an off-stage door
Me: Looking Up. Where you been?
You: I's at the mall all day shopping yo.
Me: Sweet.
Okay, what did ya'll think? Pretty fresh huh? How 'bout this one?
You: What happened to you last night?
Me: Ahh, I's way fucked up!
I really can't say just how much this forth-coming movement in syntax excites me, but I need every one of you to help me get the ball rolling. This is what I propose. From this point on, the words I was are not to be used in conjunction. There is only contraction when it comes to those words. In speech, e-mails, memos and any other form of communication you must use I's and make sure the message is spread around.
I would say avoid using I's in professional writing, but since we all know not to use any contractions in professional writing, it's not even worth bringing up. And come to think of it, I can't say as I can think of a single instance when you'd say I was in any form of professional writing, so the point is moot. (Or the point is mute if you're my dim-witted former boss. Seriously, he said that all the time. It's a mute point? The fuck does that mean?)
So I's is the new I was. My friend the Bertz has suggested the movement be called The I's Have It. I can totally smell what he's steppin' in. In fact, I's just pondering the other day how sharp a chap he is. Did you catch what I did there? I totally used I's as a part of regular speech/writing. That's exactly what I need from each of you. Go forth and enunciate.
Oh and by the by, if you know where skatchamagowza comes from, you are cool than cool...ice cold.
posted by The Crazy Leftist at 4:03 PM
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