"It's driving me mad, it's driving me mad."
Let's hope it's the former.
A quick shout out to Billy Preston, whose world did come to an end yesterday. The keyboard prodigy who learned under Ray Charles and recorded with the Beatles passed away yesterday at the age of 59. Preston, besides being an immensely talented musician, is also the answer to a great trivia question in that he was the only non-Beatle to receive a credit on a Beatles tune (specifically for his work on "Get Back").
So I rented this movie Shopgirl the other day. I'm sure you've heard of it. It stars Steve Martin, who adapted the screenplay from his own novella, Claire Danes and Jason Schwartzman. It's all about making oneself open to both giving and receiving love. Claire Danes is forced to choose between the silver-haired tycoon and the quirky quasi-romantic. Anyway, let me sum up my feelings.
I really hated this fuckin' flick.
It was complete garbage. This receives one of the lowest possible grades in the Trottski School of Film Criticism (affiliated campuses coming to your town soon). It was, in fact, Ass on Film.
[Editor's Note: For the greatest effect of the previously mentioned film grade, the words must be sung to the tune of Duran Duran's "Girls on Film."]
The only was this film could have been any worse would be if it somehow morphed into either Leonard Part 6 or Armageddon.
Let's begin with the acting. Maybe it's just me, but I'm starting to think Rushmore was Schwartzman's Cuba G. For those not in the know, the Cuba G. is a term named for Cuba Gooding, Jr. which explains the phenomenon of a truly bad actor being able to not just stand out but shine when given that once-in-a-lifetime script. In the case of Cuba, his turn in the sun came with his Academy Award-winning performance in Jerry Maguire. Others to have been awarded a Cuba G. include Kim Bassinger (L.A. Confidential), Kate Hudson (Almost Famous), So NoToriOus Spelling (House of Yes), Brendan Fraser (Gods and Monsters), Sharon Stone (Casino) and the man for whom this award was nearly named...Stephen Baldwin for The Usual Suspects.
Just seeing this list of names makes me miss John Cazale even more. Mr. Cazale, obviously, is best known for playing Fredo in Godfather I and II, but before before dying of cancer in 1978 and having his corpse raped by Francis Ford Coppola via archival footage in the godawful Godfather III, Mr. Cazale also had starring turns in The Conversation, Dog Day Afternoon and The Deer Hunter. Those were the only five films he ever appeared in before dying. The current equivalent might be losing your virginity to the Pussycat Dolls....and then never having sex again.
Speaking of music....I saw the video for "Miss Murder" by AFI. It wasn't until I saw this video that I came to a startling realization. This just aren't enough videos by bands of marginal talent featuring androgynous singers taking on Hitler at Nuremberg personae whilst singing songs of suicide. In fact, to the best of my recollect, there haven't been any until now. Fall Out Boy....you best get your collective no-talent asses in gear.
Oh, did Hitler play with bunny rabbits?
By the way.....Shopgirl totally sucked. The worst part may have been the heavy-handed/bordering on condescending voiceovers of Mr. Steve Martin. Yes Steve I realize you wrote the novella (Which I believe now means the cheese form of a novel.) and I realize you wrote the screenplay. So does everyone else who might see this dreck. So the self-flagellating can be kept at a minimum. Congratulations Steve you are now a jerk, rather than The Jerk.
I'd like to thank the Academy....and the demon kind enough to buy my soul.
Repent.
JeffRey
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