Tuesday, February 07, 2006

"Snow is back everybody. Girls come wind up your body."

Hello my friends...Hello.

So it's snowing here in Mid-Missouri. It's February. Have you ever found the spelling of February unusual? So we had temps (that would be temperatures and not temporary workers) in the 70's in early December. It's snowing. What did the groundhog tell us anyway? More winter? Well, let's make that percentage of correct predictions 37.1. Suck it Randy Wright.

So my fellow pinko, commie fuck Fuller wrote a little resolution for the Kent State University Graduate Student Senate. It called for the immediate implementation of domestic partner benefits for all faculty, staff and students at the University. Happily, it passed unanimously, although Mr. Fuller is less than enthusiastic as to the possibility of the administration giving a tinker's damn about what the Graduate Student Senate has to say. If you'd like to read the resolution, I'm told you may soon do so at the following link:

http://dept.kent.edu/gss/legislative_action/current_issues.htm

I bought some new bath soap the other day. Well, it's not totally new in that is still Old Spice body wash, which does not, incidentally, make me an old man. Anyway, I normally buy some scent called Mountain Rain or Mountain Fresh or Big Mountain or something. This time, however, I bought Pacific Blast...or maybe Pacific Surge. I forget.

Oh, since you brought up the Pacific, have you heard of this thing called the NHL? It's an organization of teams that play something called "hockey." It's apparently a Canadian thing. You know, up there with maple syrup and, until recently, sensible foreign policy. Anyway, I was listening to the radio. I listen to sports talk in the mornings. There is apparently a team from Dallas, I would assume Texas, which occupies first place in the Pacific Division.

I don't know how many of you have been to Dallas. I have been to Dallas. Let me tell you one thing I did not see. J.R. Ewing. Another thing I didn't see happens to be the Pacific Fucking Ocean.

Oh hey, remember the muzak I told you about before? No...okay this might mean less to you. So the latest addition....."Fool on the Hill" from, of course, the Quarrymen. It's not enough they defame Beatles' songs in this fashion, but they have to grab the more obscure album cuts to boot. Oooh!

So I was at Wal-Mart the other day. Shaddup! I needed one-hour photo okay? Off my back! The background music was Guns N' Roses playing "Knockin' on Heaven's Door." Now I really fuckin' hate their version of the song, but come on. The home of the squiggly gets G N' R and I gotta put up with a Muzak version of "I Believe I Can Fly"?

I Believe I Can Fly
Belive R. Kelly Needs an Alibi

Saw the video on TV
Why'd he pee on that nice lady

Oh, I also bought a staple gun at Wally World. You know what I didn't buy there? The actual staples. See they'll sell you the staple gun, but if you buy a brand-name item, as I did, you can't get the brand name staples which fit it. Oh, sure, they'll sell you Wal-Mart brand staples, which, if you were wondering....DON'T FUCKING FIT! So I had to go to Staples, which, as one might presume, had the proper...well, staples.

Let me ask you something. I work in a hotel. That's declarative by the way. Here's the interrogative. Sometimes guests will ask me to mail things for them. Actually, that's not the question either. Anyway, of this mail the guests ask me to send out for them, some of it happens to be postcards. Here's the question. Is it bad form to read the postcards? Oooh, more important, would it be a violation of federal law to read the postcards?

If yes, then no I have never read them. Otherwise...keep reading.

I mean, come on, the writing is right there. It's not like I'm steaming open envelopes. If they want their business kept private, they either need to pony up the extra 19 cents for postage and stick it in an envelope (which I would NOT steam open) or drop the postcard in the mailbox themselves.

Don't know if you caught this, but Betty Friedan passed away the other day. That makes three very important ladies we've lost from equal rights movements in the last few months.

Oh, and if you don't know of whom I speak, it would be Rosa Parks, Coretta Scott King, Ms. Friedan and read some fucking books why don't you.

Here's an update on the I's movement. Four people other than myself have spoken the new contraction aloud. Let's keep up the good work and spread the word further. Or farther? Further? More far? Whatever, not important.

I'm actually a little upset right now, beyond my normal sort of neurotic delusions. I'm sure you've read about Lefty the Pit in some past posts. He got away from me a couple of days ago, and I've not been able to locate him. I went looking through the woods. I check with the Humane Society everyday. I called vet clinics and hospitals, then followed that up by visiting with his picture. I've put up flyers.

I'm sure he's fine, but I can't help but....you know it's not important. I miss him though. If you haven't met him, you're missing out.

Signed the lease for the new place. I start moving in February 15. Okay, that spelling still is strange. Does anyone, I mean other than freaks like me, pronounce the "ru" sound? I mean do you say Feb-ru-ar-y? Four syllables. So Brook moves in near the end of March, following our trip to the District. Each of you is invited to the house/apartment warming party. Unless, obviously, I and/or Brook don't/doesn't like you. Which we would, of course, never say to your face. You just won't hear about the party until like, a few days after it happened. Then I'll be all like, "man you should have been there. What? Damn, yo, I thought I had called you about it."

[Editor's Note: Brook would do none of these things, but the author...he's a bastard.]

Valentine's Day is coming up. Each of you will be happy to hear I no longer view the day as an entirely commercial and completely nonsensical "holiday." It is now a sweet and pleasant...."holiday."

Fetal pain? Thoughts anyone? Fuckin' evangelicals.

See the World...Spinning Around

JeffRey

2 Comments:

Blogger Fuller said...

Thanks for the shout out, JeffRey. The link you have now works. Let me just add that if any of you out there that may actually read this drivel of Trotter's and mine's, and are attending a university that does not offer domestic partner benefits, do something similar. And feel free to contact me if you would like assistance. For example, I don't think Mizzou has domestic partner benefits...HINT, FUCKING HINT. If I am mistaken here, then I do apologize to my beloved alma mater.

8:18 PM  
Blogger daytime said...

These are my favorite alternate lyrics for the beginning of "I Believe I Can Fly," thought up by yours truly one drunk night at the casino:

"I used to think that I could not go on / After 21 counts of kiddie porn / But now I know the meaning of true love / A 12-year-old girl fits me like a glove."

It's the sophisticated A/A/B/B rhyme scheme I'm most proud of.

-Andrew

P.S. Read my 2006 Grammy Awards roundup on my eMpTyV blog. For once I beat you to commenting on an empty pop culture ritual.

2:26 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home