Remember My Motto...Trink Bier und Sprite

Is it just me, or do you find it impossible to watch A Christmas Story without thinking about how the kid who stuck his tongue to the light pole is now a porn star?

What's that you say? You did not know Scott Schwartz was now a porn star?

Well it's true friends, the little boy you knew and loved from The Toy, Summer Switch and the underseen and underrated fertilizer classic Kidco has more recently starred in Dirty Bob's Xcellent Adventures 35, New Wave Hookers 5 and my personal favorite (In a titular way only I assure you.) The Wrong Snatch.

So I's at Tropical Liquers (south location) last night. For those not it the know, Tropical Liquers specializes in alcohol "filled" slushees. If you've ever been to the French Quarter you've seen about 50 different incarnations of Tropical Liquers, each of them undoubtedly filled with sorority girls who have one Sex on the Beach slurpee and then pretend to be so fucking wasted, thereby allowing them to ease their collective consciousnesses after shacking up with the first guy with Greek letters on his t-shirt to show interest. Whew!!! Bonus points for the last sentence? Anyone, anyone? It's something D-O-O economics. Voo-doo economics.

Now this is a place I'd ordinarily not choose to patronize, but my friend the J-Fo was there and I'd not had the opportunity to see her in awhile. So I reacquainted myself with my friend and also met her friend Yasmine from Germany.

[Editor's Note: The author is taking a stab at the spelling of Yasmine's name, opting for the policy of "If it's good enough for Baywatch it's good enough for me.]

Yasmine I learned, by the way, is the girlfriend of Jim, with whom I've hung out with once before and found to be a pretty cool guy.

So anyway Yasmine showed Jennifer and I this drink that is apparently sweeping the nation in Deutschland. It is the mixture of beer and soda, in this case Sprite.

Now I'm all for learning about foreign cultures so, despite my non-soda drinking ways, I tried a mix of Sprite and Bud Light. The result? Two things I don't like became one I like even less. Unlike I's, extra capital letters in first names and the Black Neil Diamond, I predict this combo will not be sweeping the nation on this side of the pond.

On the brighter side of things, I did learn David Hasselhoff does enjoy an almost perverse following in Germany. I also learned the band Scooter does exist and is quite popular, thereby making an inside joke I enjoy with exactly none of you even funnier.

Did you know Tropical Liquers has board games for patron use? J-Fo, Yasmine and I played some improvised from of Pictionary. My most embarrassing moment came when I was unable to think of how to draw Germany. Drawing an arrow pointed at Yasmine seemed like cheating.

So the NFL Conference Championship games are today. My bold prediction: Carolina and Denver advance to the Super Bowl.

[Editor's Note: Do not bet one damned dime on anything this silly bastard has to say about sports.]

I'm loaning my copy of The Constant Gardener to my friend Pipes the Pirater. I hope he makes scads of money on it, though I doubt it as the masses don't enjoy films requiring even the bare minimum of actual thought.

That means this is an intelligent, thought-provoking film. I want each of you to see it. See Pipes the Pirater if you'd like your own copy on the cheap.

A friend of mine turned me on to this guy named Matisyahu. Never heard of him? He's a Hasidic Jew who does hip-hop and reggae. Now the CD I have is of a live show and it's pretty good, but come on....a Hasidic Jew who does reggae and hip-hop? You had me at hello.

So I'm at work right now, where we recently switched from holiday tunes to muzak. I am now listening to a muzak "Bridge Over Troubled Waters" which was preceded by a muzak "Tears in Heaven" (which oddly sounded less like muzak than the original version).

Columbia's city council will discuss a measure next month that would ban smoking in every restaurant and bar in town. I'm a non-smoker, but I believe in the idea of personal choice here. Smoke can also lend ambiance to a bar. The Heidelberg is not the same without the tell-tale cloud hovering over every booth and patron.

You know what bar would seem less great? Snappers. Actually...no...that's not possible. Snapper's is heaven on Earth, and I was, in fact, testing you. Pass? No...then get thee to a Snapper's. Careful not to fall in the river or your boyfriend will kill your brother. (Thanks Will.)

So I'm trying to think of something to blog about today. I mean, I know I'm blogging right now, but I really want a theme if you know what I mean. Seriously folks, how much longer can I write about absolutely nothing of significance? I ain't friggin' Seinfeld here!!!

So Parade magazine put out its list of the world's worst dictators. Omar al-Bashir of the Sudan hung on to his top spot thanks to the hundreds of thousands killed and millions put from their homes in the last two years. You may not have heard of this man as we were fighting the truly evil and totally irrelevant monster over there in that Eye-Rack.

From the crazy leftist to the "United" States and the, formerly, United Nations (which are now mutually exclusive)...PULL YOUR HEADS FROM YOUR ASSES AND PUT THIS GUY IN A CELL!!!

Moving up the charts...with a bullet so to speak....is Zimbabwe's Robert Mugabe. Under his "stewardship" Zimbabwe has inflation of 80 % and an AIDS rate of more than 20 %. Yikes! Life expectancy in Zimbabwe is 38 years! Unless of course you're Robert Mugabe, who is 81. Rank has its privileges.

Falling several spots in this years poll is that loveable bear of man Muammar al-Qaddafi, or as I like to call him...the Big Maq.

Incidentally Fidel Castro also lost a couple spots on this list, perhaps indicating someone at Parade magazine has an f-ing clue.

OK...classical music version of "Let it Be." Funnily enough I would argue the original was fairly classic.

Hey! I just met Albert White. He played ball for Mizzou a few years back. He's playing in a pro league in Korea now. Pretty nice guy.

Well that's enough for me kids, but remember this...do NOT allow your children to become miners. Minors: yes Miners: no

JeffRey