"I'd go over twelve percent for that."

Don't know if you heard, but actor Chris Penn was found dead in his home yesterday. Chris had to live his life in the shadow of Sean Penn, he of little to no sense of humor and talented musician Michael Penn. Still who can forget Chris as Willard in Footloose ("I'm waiting...patiently.)? And of course he was Nice Guy Eddie in Reservoir Dogs. R.I.P. Chris

OK, on to the nonsense.

So correct me if I'm wrong here, but isn't the point to owning a Humvee being able to compensate for having an abnormally small penius? What's the point to a Mini-Hummer? Hey, spend all your cash on gas, still have an abnormally small penius and a really stupid looking, itty bitty car!

So my friend Fuller has mentioned this on his blog, but the "venerable" Reverend Fred Phelps showed up in Ohio to stage another of his little demonstrations at a military funeral. See Mr. Phelps hates all gay people, and apparently feels the United States is run by gay people, so he is now protesting at military funerals. See the logic there? No? Good.

Fred Phelps is completely insane. Everyone knows the United States was run by Jews until 2000 and has since been run by evangelicals.

[Editor's Note: The author is only half serious with the last sentence. I'll let you guess which half.]

So I predicted a Broncos-Panthers Super Bowl last weekend. For those who lost everything they own gambling....serves you right Mr. Bennett. I guess you'll just have to write another book on family values.

My early pick for the Super Bowl, by the by, is the Steelers to cover. That would mean you'll want to wager every thing you own on the Seahawks and the points.

So I read about this high speed chase along the west coast that ended just shy of the U.S.-Canadian border in Washington. Two chaps wanted on a California murder charge began exchanging fire with U.S. border patrol. Now what was the Canadian border patrol up to you might ask. They were taking cover as they are, as a rule, not going to work strapped. Now, I know the illegal flow of humans from the U.S. to Canada is probably more like a trickle, slowing to a few drips in light of recent Canadian elections, but come on people. Don't you want the satisfaction of knowing a law enforcement official can lay some mofo's down if needs be?

How do Mounties get their men? "Hey you...stop. I caught you in my flashlight! You're frozen now. And no tagbacks!"

You know, I'm noticing a lack of coherence to today's post. It's not quite on a Burroughs level for being all over the place, but a well-oiled machine has not been laid out for you today. Deal....

I'm still smarting over this Chris Penn thing. He had good lines in True Romance ("I'll call you a hearse") and how 'bout f-ing Short Cuts?!? This is gonna take me a day or two.

So Ford is closing some plants, including one in St. Louis. Only axing about 25,000 jobs. Fuckin' Ford.

Don't know if you saw this, but Leif Garrett is in trouble with the law. Who? Exactly. Probably won't see anyone release a flock of doves at his acquittal. Of course he isn't on trial for touching kids where they pee.

So I read this really great article in the most recent issue of Mother Jones. It's about Congressman Walter Jones (no relation). You may not recognize the name, but Congressman Jones is the backwater Representative from North Carolina who actually had the menus in the Capitol building's cafeterias re-written so that french fries would be called "freedom fries." Well seems like Jones, who sounds like a very nice and sincere man, has gone a total 180 on the way the president and his administration are handling the situation. He is now trying to draw more Republicans to his side and call for a real exit strategy from w. and company. Very interesting and compelling read.

Freedom Fries...thankfully even Congressman Jones recognizes the error of that move.

What's more fascinating to you: Old people who are total Luddites and know absolutely nothing about computers and in fact...fear them? Or old people who know nothing about computers but assume they are, in fact, capable of anything and everything?

I work in a hotel....Imagine if you will:

Me: Good afternoon sir, checking in today?

Old Man: Yeah (more a grunted sigh than a word)

Me: Yes sir, what's your last name?

Old Man: Ain't I in that computer?

Me: Yes sir I'm sure you are, but see this computer has only talked to you on the phone, he doesn't recognize your face yet.

Cripes! A little help here Matlock!

Okay, I'm spent....I will now spend the rest of my day listening to K-Billy's Super Sounds of the 70's that just keep on....truckin'.

Would you like any fries with that?

JeffRey