"I saw this face looking down at me, and it's a woman's face, and she threw a quarter down at me."
Oooh, let's play guess the lyric with that one.
So I'm at the University of Missouri-Columbia library, making use of its wonderfully free internet service. It was busy when I arrived and I feared no computers would be available. Then I see one lonely terminal, seemingly invisible to the pacing masses. I get closer and see it appears to be inoperable. Thus its being avoided like the one kid in high school who wore his backpack on both shoulders.
Wasn't that an interesting phenomenon? It was "un-cool" in high school to use one's backpack in the manner in which it was designed. Two arm straps! Hah! What a dork! Then I'd get kicked and...yeah I don't wanna talk about it.
Then you get to college and find yourself carrying several textbooks, each of which weighs slightly more than Kate Moss the night before a photo shoot, and suddenly you realize that second strap might just come in handy. "Yeah, who's a loser now.....poophead?!?"
Anyway, one computer, out of commission, leaving me out of luck. But you know me, I'm the type when given a piece of paper I turn it sideways and write the other way. [Editor's Note: Hence the length of time it took your author to graduate college] So I sit down to use my limited, bordering on non-existent, computer expertise. [Editor's Note: Not bordering, permanent resident] The problem, as discovered by me? It needed to be turned on. That's why I have a degree, and most of these kids will be pumping gas with me someday, due of course to America's addiction to oil. What was I talking/blogging about? Right....nothing of significance.
So anyway I'm at the laundromat tonight. Now, I only go to my current laundry facility as it is close to my home. I used to go to this place further away called Splashers cause it was cheaper and it had a big-screen TV to help pass the time. Later on I learned Splashers is actually an old Indian word meaning "none of our fucking dryers ever work."
[Editor's Note: That's not a literal translation, but it's implied.]
Seriously folks, they have like 25 washing machines, and four dryers. Every other dryer has an "out of order" sign on it. [Editor's Note: Quotes not ironic.] It's always busy in this place so you have an entire village of people bringing their laundry in from the stream, and then you have Russian fuckin' breadlines at the dryers.
Oh, and the TV? I don't know what satellite package they have, but it is soap operas every time I go in there. No matter what time of day it's soap operas, with the notable exception of one half-hour devoted to Paul Pepper and Uncle James, whom I've met actually.
[Editor's Note: No, not at the Olde Un]
I don't like soaps. I don't care if Brock is shtupping Arianna, or if Heath is going to get custody of his son from Francesca and dammit if John Black exorcising Marlena wasn't the stupidest fucking thing of all times leading up to the 2000 Presidential election.
So now I'm at this place closer to my home, which over the last 9 months has instituted a series of price gougings that would make Dick Cheney blush, if blood still flowed through his veins. When I started going there, one load in the washing machine cost $1.00. Then it went up to $1.25, and it now rests at a comfortable $1.50. Now there has to be a ceiling, cause the little quarter slide thing is only so wide, but come on.
Oh, and the dryers? They all work, but get this. It used to be a quarter would buy you 10 minutes. Then it switched to the first quarter gets you 8 minutes and every quarter after that gets you 10 minutes. (Sorta like cabs and phone sex) Then it became every quarter is "worth" 8 minutes. [Editor's Note: Ironic quotes that time] Now every quarter gives you 7 minutes. Seven minutes! I guess time is money.
Did ya'll see this bill that passed the house today by a 216-214 vote? It totally gutted student loans and Medicare for the elderly and working poor? These are "our" elected representatives right? Congress claims it's to offset the costs of Hurricane Katrina, but they're still planning another Bushie tax cut later this year. Fuckin' A these people have no shame.
The one thing that fascinates me about this laundry is the one industrial machine in the middle of the establishment. The sign says it can hold 75 pounds of laundry, or would it be clothes? Anyway, maybe I just have no concept of how much 75 pounds of laundry is, but it sounds like a shit-pot load if you asked me, and even if you didn't. Plus it's not like you can separate. It's just one machine. So to make this worth your $6.75 (Egad!) you would need 75 pounds of whites and 75 pounds of colors. That's a lot o' dirty drawers.
Was that too drastic a shift in subject matter from paragraph to paragraph? Tough, I'm an English major. I do what I want!
Fear not though my readers, for relief is on the way. I will soon be setting up residence in an apartment which includes washer and dryer hook-ups. Huzzah! No longer will time have to budgeted for doing laundry. No longer will I have to hoard my quarters like a student about to park within shouting distance of campus. No longer will I have to wait until I actually have enough laundry to justify a trip. Just need one shirt and a pair of jeans washed? Great! And no residual guilt over the $2.25 spent almost needlessly.
Ooh, plus I get to live with the lovely Brook, which is clearly the best part. But this washer/dryer thing is pretty damned good too.
Oh, just as an aside, if anyone out there in cyberspace is a licensed (underlined) therapist....I could use analysis.....yeah. There's all these, uh, thoughts whatever. Hey, everyone out there who blogs, we should make like a greatest hits blog. You know it would have all our old stuff, but we'd also make like two new blogs just to sell more copies to the completists out there. Oh, and I really think we should make our stuff available on iTunes, cause the kids just love it.
Did Christian Bale's Batman-voice bother you in the Batman movie? It's almost distracting. It's the kind of voice you would try as a kid whenever you phone-prank someone.
"Uh, yeah is Gloria there?"
"I'm sorry, Gloria who?"
"Gloria Stitz! Hah!"
That shit kills me every time.
Crayons taste like purple.
Okay, enough craziness, it's time for shock therapy and Gerber strained peas.
Fluff and fold friends. Fluff and fold.
JeffRey
So I'm at the University of Missouri-Columbia library, making use of its wonderfully free internet service. It was busy when I arrived and I feared no computers would be available. Then I see one lonely terminal, seemingly invisible to the pacing masses. I get closer and see it appears to be inoperable. Thus its being avoided like the one kid in high school who wore his backpack on both shoulders.
Wasn't that an interesting phenomenon? It was "un-cool" in high school to use one's backpack in the manner in which it was designed. Two arm straps! Hah! What a dork! Then I'd get kicked and...yeah I don't wanna talk about it.
Then you get to college and find yourself carrying several textbooks, each of which weighs slightly more than Kate Moss the night before a photo shoot, and suddenly you realize that second strap might just come in handy. "Yeah, who's a loser now.....poophead?!?"
Anyway, one computer, out of commission, leaving me out of luck. But you know me, I'm the type when given a piece of paper I turn it sideways and write the other way. [Editor's Note: Hence the length of time it took your author to graduate college] So I sit down to use my limited, bordering on non-existent, computer expertise. [Editor's Note: Not bordering, permanent resident] The problem, as discovered by me? It needed to be turned on. That's why I have a degree, and most of these kids will be pumping gas with me someday, due of course to America's addiction to oil. What was I talking/blogging about? Right....nothing of significance.
So anyway I'm at the laundromat tonight. Now, I only go to my current laundry facility as it is close to my home. I used to go to this place further away called Splashers cause it was cheaper and it had a big-screen TV to help pass the time. Later on I learned Splashers is actually an old Indian word meaning "none of our fucking dryers ever work."
[Editor's Note: That's not a literal translation, but it's implied.]
Seriously folks, they have like 25 washing machines, and four dryers. Every other dryer has an "out of order" sign on it. [Editor's Note: Quotes not ironic.] It's always busy in this place so you have an entire village of people bringing their laundry in from the stream, and then you have Russian fuckin' breadlines at the dryers.
Oh, and the TV? I don't know what satellite package they have, but it is soap operas every time I go in there. No matter what time of day it's soap operas, with the notable exception of one half-hour devoted to Paul Pepper and Uncle James, whom I've met actually.
[Editor's Note: No, not at the Olde Un]
I don't like soaps. I don't care if Brock is shtupping Arianna, or if Heath is going to get custody of his son from Francesca and dammit if John Black exorcising Marlena wasn't the stupidest fucking thing of all times leading up to the 2000 Presidential election.
So now I'm at this place closer to my home, which over the last 9 months has instituted a series of price gougings that would make Dick Cheney blush, if blood still flowed through his veins. When I started going there, one load in the washing machine cost $1.00. Then it went up to $1.25, and it now rests at a comfortable $1.50. Now there has to be a ceiling, cause the little quarter slide thing is only so wide, but come on.
Oh, and the dryers? They all work, but get this. It used to be a quarter would buy you 10 minutes. Then it switched to the first quarter gets you 8 minutes and every quarter after that gets you 10 minutes. (Sorta like cabs and phone sex) Then it became every quarter is "worth" 8 minutes. [Editor's Note: Ironic quotes that time] Now every quarter gives you 7 minutes. Seven minutes! I guess time is money.
Did ya'll see this bill that passed the house today by a 216-214 vote? It totally gutted student loans and Medicare for the elderly and working poor? These are "our" elected representatives right? Congress claims it's to offset the costs of Hurricane Katrina, but they're still planning another Bushie tax cut later this year. Fuckin' A these people have no shame.
The one thing that fascinates me about this laundry is the one industrial machine in the middle of the establishment. The sign says it can hold 75 pounds of laundry, or would it be clothes? Anyway, maybe I just have no concept of how much 75 pounds of laundry is, but it sounds like a shit-pot load if you asked me, and even if you didn't. Plus it's not like you can separate. It's just one machine. So to make this worth your $6.75 (Egad!) you would need 75 pounds of whites and 75 pounds of colors. That's a lot o' dirty drawers.
Was that too drastic a shift in subject matter from paragraph to paragraph? Tough, I'm an English major. I do what I want!
Fear not though my readers, for relief is on the way. I will soon be setting up residence in an apartment which includes washer and dryer hook-ups. Huzzah! No longer will time have to budgeted for doing laundry. No longer will I have to hoard my quarters like a student about to park within shouting distance of campus. No longer will I have to wait until I actually have enough laundry to justify a trip. Just need one shirt and a pair of jeans washed? Great! And no residual guilt over the $2.25 spent almost needlessly.
Ooh, plus I get to live with the lovely Brook, which is clearly the best part. But this washer/dryer thing is pretty damned good too.
Oh, just as an aside, if anyone out there in cyberspace is a licensed (underlined) therapist....I could use analysis.....yeah. There's all these, uh, thoughts whatever. Hey, everyone out there who blogs, we should make like a greatest hits blog. You know it would have all our old stuff, but we'd also make like two new blogs just to sell more copies to the completists out there. Oh, and I really think we should make our stuff available on iTunes, cause the kids just love it.
Did Christian Bale's Batman-voice bother you in the Batman movie? It's almost distracting. It's the kind of voice you would try as a kid whenever you phone-prank someone.
"Uh, yeah is Gloria there?"
"I'm sorry, Gloria who?"
"Gloria Stitz! Hah!"
That shit kills me every time.
Crayons taste like purple.
Okay, enough craziness, it's time for shock therapy and Gerber strained peas.
Fluff and fold friends. Fluff and fold.
JeffRey
posted by The Crazy Leftist at 7:35 PM
1 Comments:
Not a licensed therapist, but a freelancer...I will psychoanalyze you for free, my friend.
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