"They're the musical fruit."

Not sure if any of you caught this, but recently a woman in Chicago found what appears to be a severed bird's head in a can of beans.

Seems the woman was making breakfast for her kids when she ran across the avian surprise. Now, the first question that popped into my head was, obviously, who eats beans for breakfast?

The Food and Drug Administration has launched an investigation into the matter and the company supplying the beans has engaged in a voluntary recall. Meanwhile the woman says she and hers won't be eating beans anytime soon she makes them herself. I'm not sure if she means she'll grow, harvest and can them herself or if maybe the can of beans in question was of the ready-to-serve variety.

So I'm sure you're all interested in what's been going on with me at the House O' Smut. You'll be pleased to hear that just yesterday I sold a man something called "The Perfect Date." It's a blow-up doll who stands three feet tall, has no teeth and a cupholder on the top of her head. I really wanted to send the man off with a "You stay classy sir," but I thought better of it.

I also sold a woman and her man a strap-on dildo. Now we all know there are allegedly straight men out there who like to take it portside, but this guy didn't look the part. He had one of those crazy, stringy, Charles Manson like goatees and a shaved head. The man had arms like tree trunks. He's the type who could have broken my back just be scowling at it. But much like a unlucky haircut caused the mighty Samson to lose his strength, this man has no power over me now that I know he lets his wife put a rubber cock in his ass, probably aided by tangerine scented lubricant.

Well I'd like to stay kids, but I've got a thing.

JeffRey