When masturbation's lost its fun....

So recently I had the opportunity to correspond with a pal of mine who has made the exodus from mid-Missouri to the bright lights of the big city, that being the N-Y-C. She is apparently having a splendid time working as in intern for Time magazine, but recently returned to her home and found herself victim to the type of crime we associate with big city living.

See someone had broken into her apartment. Such things are a dime a dozen in the megalopolis, however this break-in had nothing to do with the acquisition of material things. She discovered nothing had actually been stolen from the apartment, but rather something had been left behind. It was, in fact, a contraceptive. A contraceptive that had been....used, if you catch my drift.

Officer Krupke was dispatched to the scene and informed my friend she need not worry, for the "prank" as it were was less likely a threat and more likely just meant to be an insult.

Sure.

Now for my money, an insult is something really witty like..."you suck."

A veiled suggestion of non-consensual copulation...less insult, more sinister I should think.

And should it be meant as only an insult, what is the message being conveyed? "Uhh...yeah, you're so not cool that I'm gonna cum in this rubber and leave it on your breadmaker."

Oooh....snap dog!!! You got 'em good!

Which is not to say any one of you should avoid ever living in the Big Apple. Or any major metropolitan area, where I'm sure jizz moppers are cracking wise on every corner to a virtual horde of guffaws and bellylaughter.

What I am saying is before you move to the big city, you need to hone your sense of humor. Because by God, if this isn't a country where one can jerk off in the domicile of another and not get a chuckle, then what exactly did our forefathers fight and die for?